Today, a guy kept flirting with me despite all my hints for him to kindly fuck off and die, so I lied and said I'm a lesbian. This didn't stop him. It got so bad, I had to claim I was born with a dick and say that's why I like girls. Only then did he say "Eeewww..." and back off. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a male friend of mine tried to kiss me. When I shoved him away and demanded to know what the fuck he was doing, he said he didn't think I was really a lesbian because I went on a date with a guy. Once. Over 15 years ago. FML
Today, a guy told me I was hot and that I should give him a chance. When I told him I was straight, he instantly called me a bigot. FML
Today, I was wondering if I might be bi, so I hopped on Grindr and met up with a cute guy to experiment with. It ended up being so awful that I decided nope, definitely not bi. Unfortunately now he won't leave me alone, even after I told him that I made a mistake and I'm not interested. FML
Today, I gained the courage to talk to the guy I have a crush on. In a dying part of the conversation, I panicked and ended up asking him if he was gay. He replied no and seemed offended, so I quickly added, "You just seem a little gay sometimes, in a good way." He took more offense and left. FML
Today, for the first time in my life, a girl hit on me. Specifically, a lesbian who thought I was a girl. FML
Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had paid the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML
Today, the creepy regular customer found out I was lying about having a boyfriend in order to keep him away. He now thinks this is me playing hard to get. FML
Today, I was told by the guy I've liked for years that he would date me if he was straight. FML
Today, a woman I work with confessed her love to me, but when I turned her down, she accused me of being a playboy, a manipulator, and a liar who led her on. I'm quite openly gay, so in no way did I ever lead her on, and the only way she could have not known I was gay was if she walked around with her eyes shut. FML
Today, I asked out the girl I really like. She turned me down, saying that she's a lesbian. That'd be fine, if I were a guy. FML
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Top comments
Paintonmyarms214 21
Could've been worse; he might have been into that too.
chairmanmeow1 16
Just list a disgusting fetish or two and pray you never see them again
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Comments (129)
snarkytruth 37
You need to work on your resting bitch face.
Uuuuxc 7
YDI for not being upfront and honest. I'll never understand this crap. A women likes a guy she plays hard to get. She doesn't like him, she pretends to to not hurt his feelings. Then wonder why guys that aren't psychic don't get it. You can be blunt and still polite
ThePandoricaOpen 18
Jist because the FML doesn't say she did, doesn't mean she didn't. Only so much can be written, (as you should know), so, for all you know, she DID politely tell him to stop, and just left it out because of the character limit, and in favor of the more extreme stuff.
MiaTheMartian 21
See, this is why women always use so many excuses for not wanting to go out with someone, because some people just can't take no for an answer. I'm sorry you had to go through that, OP.
aura07 7
"**** off an die." Wow, you seem like such a lovely person!
Eddyisme 4
OP is a master.
Shadowtrooper34 16
Why do girls do this to guys. You have the option to say your lesbian and stuff but we don't. oh yeah. you girls have to lie so we don't get to have some sort of good relationship with at least honesty
skylerthecloud 12
This can be highly offensive for real lesbians.
DeadbeatDaughter 20
I think other women would care more that she was able to get rid of a creeper, however she had to do it, than be offended that she claimed a different sexuality to get the asshole to leave her alone.
JKPwnage 27
You shouldn't have left him hints. Next time that happens, you have to tell him that A.) You're not interested in a relationship, and B.) He's a total creep.
XtremeHeat 14
Just say you have a fetish for poop and that is a dealbreaker
shinikageWolf 15
If he comes back trying to get in your pants again, please kick him in the balls as hard as you can. We can't have **** boys reproducing like this.