Today, a guy kept flirting with me despite all my hints for him to kindly fuck off and die, so I lied and said I'm a lesbian. This didn't stop him. It got so bad, I had to claim I was born with a dick and say that's why I like girls. Only then did he say "Eeewww..." and back off. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a male friend of mine tried to kiss me. When I shoved him away and demanded to know what the fuck he was doing, he said he didn't think I was really a lesbian because I went on a date with a guy. Once. Over 15 years ago. FML
Today, a guy told me I was hot and that I should give him a chance. When I told him I was straight, he instantly called me a bigot. FML
Today, I was wondering if I might be bi, so I hopped on Grindr and met up with a cute guy to experiment with. It ended up being so awful that I decided nope, definitely not bi. Unfortunately now he won't leave me alone, even after I told him that I made a mistake and I'm not interested. FML
Today, I gained the courage to talk to the guy I have a crush on. In a dying part of the conversation, I panicked and ended up asking him if he was gay. He replied no and seemed offended, so I quickly added, "You just seem a little gay sometimes, in a good way." He took more offense and left. FML
Today, for the first time in my life, a girl hit on me. Specifically, a lesbian who thought I was a girl. FML
Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had paid the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML
Today, the creepy regular customer found out I was lying about having a boyfriend in order to keep him away. He now thinks this is me playing hard to get. FML
Today, I was told by the guy I've liked for years that he would date me if he was straight. FML
Today, a woman I work with confessed her love to me, but when I turned her down, she accused me of being a playboy, a manipulator, and a liar who led her on. I'm quite openly gay, so in no way did I ever lead her on, and the only way she could have not known I was gay was if she walked around with her eyes shut. FML
Today, I asked out the girl I really like. She turned me down, saying that she's a lesbian. That'd be fine, if I were a guy. FML
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Top comments
Paintonmyarms214 21
Could've been worse; he might have been into that too.
chairmanmeow1 16
Just list a disgusting fetish or two and pray you never see them again
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Comments (129)
gracehi 33
It's like if a Jehovah's witness wanted to **** you.
AirBusDriver 23
Oh shit! That actually woke up my dog when I laughed out loud! Too funny!!
berkeleyjake 13
don't give hints, just tell him to **** off
Hauclir 14
Never tell a guy you're a lesbian. For some reason most men think that means bisexual.
DoomedGemini 38
Or you're a **** star who will let them watch you have sex or make out for some strange reason.
Keiraquarium 12
Or that you just haven't found the right dick yet
uchihadesendent 14
Sorry you had to go through that OP some guys try even harder when a girl says no or wants bragging rights that he banged a lesbian.
confused_wandere 26
"**** off and die" seems a bit harsh. The die bit I mean, not the justified "**** off".
Logical07 16
downvoted #42? I agree with it. I get the "**** off and die" it's kind of a common insult, nonetheless the "die" is a bit disturbing. The "**** off" alone is not any kind of compliment, should be enough.
vikky538 29
Learn to say No on the face
noah333333 1
A guy won't stop trying if he really likes you. He will try as hard as he can too make you straight
Hunterx700 17
And not only is that incredibly creepy, that could land you a restraining order in the future if you're not careful. You can't 'make someone straight' just as someone can't choose to be
buddy_J 16
How about stop lying and tell them from the start to stop
ThePandoricaOpen 18
She did, dumbass.
SPN_lover666 27
She obviously did, the dumbass wouldn't take no for an answer.
buddy_J 16
For starters, what he your language 63. Why so angry? Second, she never stated she said the words "stop, I'm not interested, please leave me alone" she only said she gave hints and made up stories. Dislike all you want, doesn't change anything
ExtremeEncounter 32
OP's username XD
GoldFishPony 21
After looking through comments I'm disappointed nobody else has noticed it
JohnForge 13
Now that's just rude. Would you like somebody to imply they wanted you to **** off and die? If you don't like him flirting with you just ignore him. You do know how to ignore people?
ThePandoricaOpen 18
Let's assume that OP kindly told them she wasn't interested at first, would you appreciate it, if a guy kept pestering you for a date, after you told them "no"? No, no you wouldn't. the sad part is that women HAVE to resort to more extreme methods to get guys to go away, simply because said guy thinks no means "Please, try harder, I do want to go out with you", instead of just "No, I am not interested in you."
Keiraquarium 12
Sometimes, just ignoring people doesn't work. It just has no effect whatsoever. On multiple occasions I've had to come up with lies like OP or had to tell people to **** off because some men at clubs just would not leave me alone despite me having said I wasn't interested