Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML
Today, I smacked a big mosquito that had landed on my leg. My boyfriend then said to me, "I wonder if their mouth snaps off when you slap them, and now it’s stuck in your skin." Thanks. Thanks a lot. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML
Today, when confronting my boyfriend about slapping a girl's ass in the club, he claimed: "There was a mosquito on it." FML
Today, as someone with a large chest, I'm used to sometimes finding food in my clothes at the end of the day. However, when I took off my bra off, I found half of a dead grasshopper. FML
Today, I was at a stop light and a bee landed on my leg. I screamed and started swatting it. It flew into my jacket and I started to strip my jacket off, taking my foot off the brake. I hit the car in front of me and deployed the air bag, breaking my nose. Then the bee stung me in the back. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were in my backyard goofing around when he tried to pick me up. He couldn't. I jokingly tried to lift him. I did so without much effort. FML
Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was moving his hand from his thigh to my chest but on the way he sort of squeezed my stomach. When I asked him why he did that, he told me that "his fingers got stuck under my roll." FML
Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend by jumping into his arms. He panicked, stepped aside, and I crashed into the couch. FML
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Top comments
UrNotFunny 0
horny grasshoppers.
mshoes12346 3
silly grasshopper, boobs are for dudes!
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Comments (152)
NoraT_fml 6
that's bad that u haven't let him touch. if you truely love him u wouldent care. and the hopper..please...really? how is that a fml? it's a bug big deal just pull it out yourself. your bf was giveing you a hint.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
"True love" and booby-groping don't necessarily go hand in hand. -.-
RedPillSucks 33
The FML is that the grasshopper cause her to go up a cup size.
ReginaFalange_fml 13
If it had been a bee or something then ya, he should have helped you. But its just a grasshopper, and in the moment its a funny joke, and worth it. Or maybe he thought at that point, since its down your shirt, you'd just get it out yourself?
berg54 0
I'd say that was pretty wicked. idiot boyfriend, if he had any sense he wouldn't complain and would take this chance to "help" get it. Dumbass.
yummycupcakegirl 0
haha thats one horny hopper.
spidersilkx9 0
that grasshopper stole your woman. that's sad.
Asscake 0
Get it out yourself. Your boyfriend probably wouldn't even dare go down there if he hasn't yet. Also, he made a funny joke. How's this an FML? You just let the grasshopper go and that's it. I honestly think he was being nice not to stick his hands down your shirt when you haven't allowed him yet.
Busterfml 0
"Ah sooo," the grasshopper says, "The student has become the master." /bow before your new sensei.
aback 5
"Snatch this nipple from my hand, Grasshopper."
PulseEffects 0
Lmao that dudes awesome
triggerit 5
op your bf are guy with a sense of humor but not horny...