Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML
Today, I smacked a big mosquito that had landed on my leg. My boyfriend then said to me, "I wonder if their mouth snaps off when you slap them, and now it’s stuck in your skin." Thanks. Thanks a lot. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML
Today, when confronting my boyfriend about slapping a girl's ass in the club, he claimed: "There was a mosquito on it." FML
Today, as someone with a large chest, I'm used to sometimes finding food in my clothes at the end of the day. However, when I took off my bra off, I found half of a dead grasshopper. FML
Today, I was at a stop light and a bee landed on my leg. I screamed and started swatting it. It flew into my jacket and I started to strip my jacket off, taking my foot off the brake. I hit the car in front of me and deployed the air bag, breaking my nose. Then the bee stung me in the back. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were in my backyard goofing around when he tried to pick me up. He couldn't. I jokingly tried to lift him. I did so without much effort. FML
Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was moving his hand from his thigh to my chest but on the way he sort of squeezed my stomach. When I asked him why he did that, he told me that "his fingers got stuck under my roll." FML
Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend by jumping into his arms. He panicked, stepped aside, and I crashed into the couch. FML
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Top comments
UrNotFunny 0
horny grasshoppers.
mshoes12346 3
silly grasshopper, boobs are for dudes!
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Comments (152)
iRichiq 3
I LOLd so hard on this one, just as at #1
someguy314159265 15
What are you so scared of? It's just a bloody grasshopper, for Christ's sake! Also, I don't know if you were the one driving, but if you were, I would focus more on the road than the fact that there's an evil killer ninja grasshopper in my shirt.
Doublefine 2
What was he supposed to do, grope around inside your shirt?
scene_girlie 0
OMFG! loll, your boyfriend is so funny!
rainergeis 0
Wouldn't it be a little awkward trying to get the grasshopper out of her shirt?
accidentprone3 4
If he really Wanted to get to second base, he would've reached in your shirt. DUH!!!!
ladymichee 10
I feel bad for your boyfriend.
JaiBrooks5 13
Ur bf is hilarious
zbaker119 11
SOMEONE GIVE THAT MAN A MEDAL
AlbinoMoose987 14
One, it's a joke Two, it's just a grasshopper get over it