Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML
Today, I smacked a big mosquito that had landed on my leg. My boyfriend then said to me, "I wonder if their mouth snaps off when you slap them, and now it’s stuck in your skin." Thanks. Thanks a lot. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML
Today, when confronting my boyfriend about slapping a girl's ass in the club, he claimed: "There was a mosquito on it." FML
Today, as someone with a large chest, I'm used to sometimes finding food in my clothes at the end of the day. However, when I took off my bra off, I found half of a dead grasshopper. FML
Today, I was at a stop light and a bee landed on my leg. I screamed and started swatting it. It flew into my jacket and I started to strip my jacket off, taking my foot off the brake. I hit the car in front of me and deployed the air bag, breaking my nose. Then the bee stung me in the back. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were in my backyard goofing around when he tried to pick me up. He couldn't. I jokingly tried to lift him. I did so without much effort. FML
Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was moving his hand from his thigh to my chest but on the way he sort of squeezed my stomach. When I asked him why he did that, he told me that "his fingers got stuck under my roll." FML
Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend by jumping into his arms. He panicked, stepped aside, and I crashed into the couch. FML
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Top comments
UrNotFunny 0
horny grasshoppers.
mshoes12346 3
silly grasshopper, boobs are for dudes!
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Comments (152)
1337chick 4
Not a fml. Your boyfriend gave a cute response. Oh booo hooooo.
Nexzus 0
Put out or get out. It's really the only thing a chick is good for.
nerdsgetmehot 23
#12 It's always a strange moment when you find food in your bra. I'm always amazed when that happens to me. I'm just unintentionally saving some crumbs for later as a snack...
SpideyRules 9
If you're old enough to drive, your bf should've reached second already...
nerdsgetmehot 23
#86 Not necessarily. :/ Everyone moves at their own speed, and not every 16 year old is ready to jump into intimate physical stuff. Besides, we don't know how long OP and her boyfriend have been dating...
banananut 0
^ couldn't agree more. some of the biggest mistakes in my life were having sex at a young age, then later i realized it was the wrong guy. not everyone has to be sexually active just cause they're a bit older.
Romaine_fml 0
Love this guy xD
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
On my very first date, I dropped a piece of movie theater popcorn and it got stuck in my bra. I was too embarrassed to fish it out or go to the restroom. When we left the theater, I had a giant grease stain there that made my shirt transparent at the boobs. O_O
banananut 0
i think OP's boyfriend already got to second base. because he did say "faster than i DID" so he obviously already got to second base, just not the minute he met her like the grasshopper. sorry, was that already obvious? i thought i was being smart. xD
mahona_fml 0
no, Im pretty sure that's not what he meant. the grasshopper got to 2nd base before he did. there's just no other way to word it. don't be so technical, and try to be such a smartass
ColdGold 6
I'm sorry that you needed help with a grass hopper. Someone must have taught you to be afraid of bugs.
xluckynumber17x 0
second base isn't really a big deal. nothing special just ****.
ommm999 0
seeing that a grasshopper was able to get in so easily, I'm thinking they were a nice set ... so no 104, its not JUST ****!