Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've been seeing. He confessed that he gave me chlamydia. FML
Today, my ex, who I'm still in love with, emailed me. I thought she changed her mind about us, so I poured my heart out to her. She just wanted to let me know she has chlamydia, and advise me to go to the clinic. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me by testing myself for STIs/STDs and got a positive result for chlamydia. FML
Today, my coworker, who has a tendency to overshare, decided to tell me she has chlamydia. I threw my hands in the air and said, "Stop. I don't wanna know." A customer heard this exchange and we were both written up. FML
Today, I woke up to a text from my girlfriend telling me to call when I wake up. Turns out she had one of her friends over who tested positive for Covid and I was just at her house, so now I’m forced to quarantine. FML
Today, while I thought my brother was playing with my new phone, he was actually texting a bunch of my friends that I have chlamydia. He deleted his texts so I wouldn't see them, and I spent a half-hour trying to figure out why I kept getting texts of shock and sympathy. We're both in our 20's. FML
Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML
Today, after trying for months for a baby, I finally got a positive test. For chlamydia. FML
Today, at 1am, the girl of my dreams that I've been trying for over three years to date, finally asked me out via SMS. Too bad I was asleep at the time. She now thinks I've rejected her, and will no longer speak to me. FML
Today, the girl of my dreams that I've been dating for months called me. Apparently she's been having recurring nightmares of me cheating on her. She dumped me "just in case." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
toxic_walrus 15
She gave you chlamydia AND has bad taste in music? You sure know how to pick em!
tj4234 36
Hey, i just ****** you. And this is crazy. I have chlamydia. So now you do maybe. Also, Sirin is the best, she's so cool. I wish she were my mum and all.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (224)
zZLightZz 13
"Hey I just sexed you, I'm that lady, should habe used a rubber, because you have chlamydia now"
cakefete2 31
Don't quit your day job.
R3TROxLOV3 32
I know songs don't *have* to rhyme, but you were preeeetty far off the mark.
Strider207 5
My eyes are bleeding
FilbertMoo 11
Condoms are a man's best friend. And woman's. Just use condoms.
euphoricness 28
Condoms don't protect against std's.
rocker_chick23 27
#20: You failed sex Ed, didn't you?
cakefete2 31
Rocker, he got an "F", speaking of which, the next time he gets to "F", I hope he uses a condom so it doesn't fall off.
euphoricness 28
I didn't fail sex ed, I watched many pornos!
VengeanceChicken 12
Please refrain from commenting further
skittyskatbrat 19
#27, thanks to our government pandering to the religious reich, there were 8 years of sex ed that were abstinence-only and that actually told kids how "unreliable" condoms were and shit like that. You'd think the kids would be smart enough to spend two minutes online at the CDC or NIH or WHO or any other health organization and learn otherwise, but nope. Stupidity breeds, in more ways than one.
Queen_of_Night 20
Please, for the sake of humanity, don't breed. You're barred from sex if pornos are how you leaned about sex. You're going to wreck some poor girl's vag...
JazNim17 18
Euphoricness, please stop. Yes, we know that people have contracted STDs in spite of using a condom, but that doesn't mean condoms are worthless. In fact, they help way more people than they let down. Honestly, with your logic, I think you should refrain from sex altogether until you mature some.
MrsFlowers 9
Are you being serious? Because if you are then you're just ******* stupid. The WHOLE point of a condom is it prevents anything from getting out, life SPERM. Which in turn prevents anything from getting in. Obviously when they're used properly. So YES. CONDOMS DO PROTECT YOU FROM AN STD, you dumb ass.
acerredrum 23
I think Euphoric has an excellent point. In fact, you can still die even if wearing a seat belt, lets stop wearing those. Also all medications have risks of side effects so we shouldn't take those any more. Since you can still suffer from concussions when wearing a helmet those are useless too.
MrsFlowers 9
And condoms are the ONLY protection against STD's besides refraining from having sex with someone who has one. You might want to retake sex ed because you're a dumb ass.
euphoricness 28
Well what I was trying to subtly say was that just because you have a condom, it doesn't mean you can stick your dick in anything you want. But even then, I'm not one to say how people should live their lives, especially from all the hostility I'm receiving lmao. In conclusion, yes, use condoms but be extra careful even if you do have one, considering how sex hungry people are.
skittle_QUEEN_YO 15
Or a poor dudes asshole. Stupidity sure as hell doesn't discriminate. Also isn't it illegal to not inform someone that your about to engage in intercourse with about your std's?
World_Burner 13
That's IF you know beforehand and I believe INTENTIONALLY don't use a condom. Plus I might be mistaken but it might be limited to certain STIs.
Gunguy 11
Man that really burns to find out like that.
ColonelCusswords 24
I see what you did there
kuzzy00 22
Thumbs up for the puns
DaMann360 19
Thumbs down for you
ColonelCusswords 24
**** you guys who hate this comment that pun is freakin funny
dudeman1212 22
Applause to her. Or should I say clap?
fantasyworld 39
The clap is gonorrhea.
Strider207 5
I think he knows that, it's just an std joke. Not specifically chymidia or whatever the hell it is.
mcrepas 19
Oh ok, let me just walk off this STD. I think getting the proper treatment is a better answer here
karlcolt45 19
*clap, clap, clap*
GentlemanBastard 15
The clap is not Chlamydia. You're thinking of Gonorrhea.
Aquaman911 18
I'll spare you a horrible, off-key rendition of Call Me Maybe (Clamydia Remix)
weveallbeenthere 30
I hope you didn't "clap" after her song routine. I'm sure you will be dripping with excitement.
Dylansboobunnt 2
The clap is Gohnarrea not Clamidia
Saraj07 18
Well at least she was creative in the way she told you.
cjwayy 22
Well, at least chlamydia is curable.