Today, a drunk woman kicked me in the balls for not buying her another drink. That's the closest thing to intimacy I've ever experienced. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave my drink to a girl who I got with previously and started to dance with her. She backed off after a few seconds, took my drink and danced with my friend who was standing right next to me. FML
Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend had said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth, and laughed before she passed out. FML
Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML
Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML
Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML
Today, for the first time in two years, I met my ex-girlfriend. I was drunk. FML
Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, I witnessed a drunk woman going on a manic, unhinged rant about her vagina. It would’ve been funny if she wasn’t my blind date. The worst part is that we were at my favorite restaurant, and I can probably never show my face there again. FML
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Top comments
Fgjvshnb 22
Hey, some people have to pay good money to have someone do that to them!
tigerisabelle 31
Chin up OP your time will come, and hopefully it won't be from some psycho at a bar
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Comments (34)
shinikageWolf 15
No Linda, how many times do I have to tell you, fondle the balls, lick them, suck on them, DON'T kick them!
watermelon15 35
Don't worry op, girls will appreciate that you haven't slept around. Perhaps find a girl that is reserved. A lot of girls only want guys who have never had sex before
ohSNAPyall 27
But they probably aren't in bars looking specifically for virgins.
c0ffeeb3an 15
Girls want virgin guys? Woah. When you're sixteen, maybe. But I don't think anyone would be particularly happy for example when meeting guys around thirty and finding out someone's still a virgin. Having enjoyed it a natural part of life as a grown up I really wouldn't want to start teaching someone the basics now. Also, it kind of just makes you think if everything's okay with that person (I'm not saying something's neccessarily wrong; I'm just saying doubts arise).
expertsmilee 26
Speaking from experience on this one. Guys who are saving themselves for the absolute right one fear this point of view more than anything.
sweetpotato301 7
"A lot of girls only want guys who have never had sex before"... haha that's not true at all unless you're quite young. Once you get to your mid 20s that would just be quite a difficult requirement
kiaora_fml 11
Agreed but some women are jealous and prefer it that way even if they have had sex themselves rather than the idea that their boyfriend has had sex with another
vshah 13
You should have kicked her, back.
ThrottleJockey 36
Yeah, right in the balls. Wait, what?
sweetbliss 13
probably because you don't buy girls drinks.
Sir_Cow 17
So, did you hit back or called the cops?
KIEdekka 14
I can relate bro.
pizza_time 4
That sucks
akaYodaddy 3
grrrr Mondays
cyberI7 13
If your a cheap bastard and never want to have children she's a keeper.
BearGerhart 8
If you're looking for intimacy (and not just to hook up) try a dating service, online or not. The bar scene is portrayed as the way people meet, but that's not usually the case. And when you meet someone in a bar, all you're guaranteed to have in common with them is that you like to go to bars.