Today, a close friend came over with her three-year-old son. The child used a crayon on the walls, flushed my money down the toilet, and threw up. My friend was seriously offended when I asked her to help me clean everything up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to clean up after the kid who discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML
Today, I was painting my bedroom walls, when I was struck with an uncontrollable bout of diarrhea. I had to watch helplessly from the en-suite bathroom as my 2 year old daughter painted a lovely picture for me, all over my new $500 sofa. FML
Today, my mom's friend came over. She brought her son and claimed that we could have bonding time. I ended up chasing the five-year-old around the house for an hour. After they'd left, my mom saw that the little kid had broken a lamp and a clock. She then said I had to pay for it using my money. FML
Today, a little girl from my Sunday School class approached me and told me she had a stomach ache. She seemed very upset and her face was discolored so I took her to the nurse. While we were walking out the door, I looked down and saw a half-eaten crayon on the floor. That'll do it. FML
Today, I was babysitting my friend's two year-old daughter. Within 15 minutes, she had crawled out of her crib, taken off her diaper, and smooshed her poop in between the cracks in the floor. I put her in the tub, left to get a towel, and came back to her pooping in the tub. FML
Today, my 6 year-old brought me a card. On it was a turd belonging to my 4 year-old son. She got excited and grossed out, and threw it on the rug. FML
Today, I babysat my niece and thought a quick shower would be fine. I left her watching cartoons with a blanket and returned to find she’d used washable paints on the carpet and her hands, leaving tiny colorful footprints to the couch. Her proud smile made me forgive the mess, but I spent the evening scrubbing. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML
Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML
Today, I had to tell McDonald's that my 11-year-old son thought it would be funny to take a dump in the urinal. I then had to clean it up. FML
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Top comments
SalsaVerdeDonut 22
A real friend would have offered to clean it up before you even asked.
amberstar87 13
I don't think I would invite her to my house again if that is how she is going to act.
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Comments (101)
lyzard223 8
Why would you let a 3 year old run around your house doing all that? You have to stop them before they **** shit up. You own part of the blame.
TAntobella 14
That mess should not have happened in the first place. Children should be kept under strict control when in someone's house, not allowed to move from the parent side and absolutely forbidden from touching anything. They must learn to respect other people and their belongings, to behave in public, and must learn that society doesn't revolve around them. But the vast majority of parents are spineless servants of their little brats, and children intentionally take advantage of it and do whatever pleases them. It's increadible, nowdays children are educating their parents in doing whatever they want them to do for them... And the result is that they become whiny assholes when they grow up.
AwkwardKarma 18
You should've acted offended as a counter act.
8djht8 19
I tell my guests and guests of my guests: keep this house as I do for if you cannot you shall not be permitted access, I keep it clean and organized and basically say keep it how you found it and you're responsible for who you bring (including kids) if you can't control them don't bring them.
louiswood 13
What a bitch !!
S1N9UL4R17Y 8
that's doesn't sound like much of a friend...
arrowgold 19
And that's why her child behaved like a brat.
Amke 3
Id be embarrased that I had so little control over my spawn at someone elses house.
rholder6621 12
nah, shes paying me back, and replacing my carpet, and cleaning that shit up if she refuses im using her damn hair as a washcloth
dafluckster 6
Have her and the brat clean up, and pay back that money.