Today, I was having sex with a guy I met at my friend's party. He stopped mid-thrust, climbed off, and started talking about how nervous he is about buying his first car next week. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had sex with someone new for the first time after my 10 year relationship ended. The person was a friend who had been making serious sexual references toward me on and off over the year I've known him. I don't know if I'm more embarrassed that he couldn't keep it up, or that I came from anticipation anyways. FML
Today, I bought my very first car that I spent years saving for. A few hours after I signed all the papers, I let my boyfriend go for a test drive. He totaled it. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After he'd repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me, he passed out halfway through. FML
Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It was also the first time he'd ever had sex. How could I tell? He cried all the way through, and called his parents right after. FML
Today, I drove my new car with a manual transmission for the first time by myself. I was at a stoplight and saw a cute guy in the car next to me. He looked my way and gave me "the nod". The light turned green and I tried to go but I stalled out, lurching my car forward right into the car next to me. FML
Today, my friend got her first car. I bought mine three weeks ago and haven't started making payments. She came straight from the dealership to pick me up. She backed into my car. FML
Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been seeing. It took him longer to put the condom on than it did to finish. FML
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML
Today, I had sex with a guy I'd had a crush on for a long time. When I asked if he was having trouble putting it in, he answered that he was fully in. FML
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Top comments
MagicMushrooms 0
He should be nervous! Cars are important thing to get right!
Zebidee 9
You hooked up with a drunk guy you met three hours before, and the sex wasn't perfect? I can understand your disappointment that he wasn't a caring and sensitive lover...
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Comments (134)
Zebidee 9
You hooked up with a drunk guy you met three hours before, and the sex wasn't perfect? I can understand your disappointment that he wasn't a caring and sensitive lover...
LoveMySoldier82 0
In sure they had a very deep and meaningful discussion between keg stands and beer pong.
MrBond007_fml 6
yah like their favorite brand of condoms, and preferred position, but apparently even that didn't do it
LoveMySoldier82 0
He got interrupted by a text about a great car for sale cheap, during their conversation.
Zoelovesyouloljk 0
lmao WHAT?! dude you must suuuck in the bed...
alwa7sh 2
Well it is a big choice because depending on his new car, he is wondering how much more sex will he get?!
mommyhearts2boys 0
#18 I like ur pic it's so cute
SassiestLemon 2
Yeah, love the pic! Also lol @ ur comment! Keep em coming! ;)
Cyberphobia 0
YDI. That's what you get when you don't know the guy. You also might get an STI.
fylnotmine89 1
sti huh??? lmao
ICaughtFire 4
64 - An STI is a sexually transmitted infection.
TaylorTotsYumm 10
Sexually transmitted infection.
TaylorTotsYumm 10
Damn you, 68. You beat me to it!
lifeinhd 3
It's also a type of Subaru. If that's the case, I think he's the one more likely to be getting an STI. Unless, of course, he goes for a Kia.
remotepath 0
first cars can be tricky, you should just blow him
locknload162 0
Wouldn't have been a problem if you were on top.
corkscrew8888 0
hahaha thats funny. lqtm.
ijrnelson 0
has no1 else instantly thought he came prematurely and so lept up and started a decoy conversation? :p
marinus_fml 20
Nope, I think you just have something on your conscience to make you instantly think of that...
kkrriissy 2
that's what I was thinking... lol
yanksby7 6
Ydi for sleeping with a guy you just met. Bad sex AND the high probability of an STI (according to the CDC, 3/4 people have HPV...and you don't need to have unprotected sex to get it). Sounds like you need him to take that new car and drive you to the clinic for some tests. Bad life choices FTL
LuxLisbon_fml 0
You could still get HPV from having protected sex with a long-term partner, if they've had any other sexual partners before you - the virus can lie dormant for years. ALL sex carries some risk of infection; STDs don't care if it's a one night stand or a loving relationship. If the OP had unprotected sex with a stranger then that was pretty stupid, but people on here do seem to use STDs to bash people (especially girls) from a moral point of view.
Taipan_fml 0
The more people you sleep with, the more chances you have to catch something, especially if you don't use protection. STIs can absolutely be used to bash someone from a moral point of view. If you go boinking everyone in sight, you're upping your chances of catching and/or spreading an STI, which some would argue is just plain selfish and wrong. There's a reason people get to know each other before having sex.
Ali_Bamf 3
Don't say STI, it sounds less serious like a paper cut! Disease sounds scarier, like something a zombie could give you by biting you.
doggywalker 1
diddo.
Zebidee 9
Oh God...
perdix 31
He's got his priorities backwards. The car he'll buy will only plague him for three to five years, but the herpes you gave him will haunt him for life!
LoveMySoldier82 0
win