Today, I was having sex with a guy I met at my friend's party. He stopped mid-thrust, climbed off, and started talking about how nervous he is about buying his first car next week. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had sex with someone new for the first time after my 10 year relationship ended. The person was a friend who had been making serious sexual references toward me on and off over the year I've known him. I don't know if I'm more embarrassed that he couldn't keep it up, or that I came from anticipation anyways. FML
Today, I bought my very first car that I spent years saving for. A few hours after I signed all the papers, I let my boyfriend go for a test drive. He totaled it. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After he'd repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me, he passed out halfway through. FML
Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It was also the first time he'd ever had sex. How could I tell? He cried all the way through, and called his parents right after. FML
Today, I drove my new car with a manual transmission for the first time by myself. I was at a stoplight and saw a cute guy in the car next to me. He looked my way and gave me "the nod". The light turned green and I tried to go but I stalled out, lurching my car forward right into the car next to me. FML
Today, my friend got her first car. I bought mine three weeks ago and haven't started making payments. She came straight from the dealership to pick me up. She backed into my car. FML
Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been seeing. It took him longer to put the condom on than it did to finish. FML
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML
Today, I had sex with a guy I'd had a crush on for a long time. When I asked if he was having trouble putting it in, he answered that he was fully in. FML
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Top comments
MagicMushrooms 0
He should be nervous! Cars are important thing to get right!
Zebidee 9
You hooked up with a drunk guy you met three hours before, and the sex wasn't perfect? I can understand your disappointment that he wasn't a caring and sensitive lover...
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Comments (134)
theranter 0
I do it all the time.
furburger 0
Before you two hooked up, the guy was thinking about an economy car. Then, something I can't quite put my finger on, got him thinking bigger.
seafea 0
mmmm baby talk to me dirty about your for a limited time 1.2 percent financing rate, and zero money down.
SoulSinner 0
well u cnt expect him to be into it if u guys met at the party! :)
Sparx1_1 16
OP why are you surprised? He doesn't know you and both of you were probably drunk. Of course he's more worried about buying a car than ******* you in the exact same way that worrying about his car would be more important than wasting a few hours watching a bad movie.
penguinazul 13
I once had a guy stop mid-thrust so he could start bawling about going on anti-psychotic meds. Needless to say, I've never had drunk sex like that ever again. Bad idea, OP.
havoc1331 0
after your 45 seconds in, he needed to change the subject to keep from exploding his load...
Mauskau 36
whey, stone sour :)
HomeAl0ne 20
"OK, let's take it easy at first, start out slow, get used to how she handles. Right, now shift it up a gear. Bit of shimmy in the rear end, but it's not affecting the ride. I wonder I need to change the lubrication?...nah, seems ok actually. Hey, not bad. This one looked like an old banger, but she's actually OK. Glad I decided to take her for a test drive though..... wait, that reminds me, I have to buy that car next week - shit....what made me think of that!!"
BikeAllDay818 6
You're a ******* ****, ew