Today, I had to explain to my neighbor that not all black people are lactose intolerant. His eyes still bulge out every time I eat cheese. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my 23-year old boyfriend is not talking to me because I bought the regular kind of macaroni and cheese instead of the cartoon kind. FML
Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML
Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML
Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML
Today, a colleague found out that I struggled with anorexia when young. After ranting about how it's a silly 'Women's disease', he renamed me 'Miss Piggy' and made oinking noises every time I ate something. FML
Today, I was together with a few of my friends when I got up the courage to confess I have an eating disorder. One of my friends then said "... but you're not skinny." FML
Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
Today, I went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. There was a hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML
Today, I told my grandma my boyfriend had cheated on me. She told me that it was my fault for not straightening my hair, and for gaining a few pounds. FML
Today, I was trying to explain to my mom that I've been having panic attacks. I ended up having a panic attack from talking about having a panic attack. FML
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Top comments
candiicane 12
Where does that even come from?
OffToTheGayBar 9
Ignorance, don't ya love it? I do.
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Comments (133)
DocBastard 40
Your logic is flawed, sir. If all cats have 4 legs, are all 4-legged animals cats?
mgkgambino 3
Are you neighbors with Ron Paul?
russfml 31
I don't know if that's racist or just sheer stupidity or both on his part
TeratoMarty 6
Well, no, MI3, you didn't HAVE to explain that to him. You could've said "oh, yes, I forgot," and barfed on his shoes. You were remarkably polite, by my standards.
ELL10TT203 0
SMH ppl these days.
Trisha_aus 15
But don't you have a camel anyway? They're awesome er wait, was it a lama
djxerxes9000 18
The ability to digest lactose is actually a mutation that has developed. Some would say no its evolution but its not, there was a loss of DNA in order to create the ability to eat lactose so its a mutation.
krez 20
All evolution is based on mutations. Read a book.
chocolatelvr 5
How do you think new traits happen? Mutations. Natural selection is the process through which those mutations become prevalent- or not-but if it wasn't for mutation, we'd all be single celled organisms.
Texzillion 0
This has made my day
LemonandLime 13
How many times do you eat cheese in front of your neighbour?
Mischief109 11
Umm.. Your neighbor watches you eat cheese? Am I the only one who finds this odd??