Today, I went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. There was a hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that, "It's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML
Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML
Today, I decided to be friendly and say hi to the weird kid at school, who was sitting by himself eating lunch. After I said hello, he stared up at me intensely and said, "I don't have many friends. Yeah. Mainly 'cause I've eaten most of them." FML
Today, at my job as a lifeguard, I told a teenager to, "Walk please." He then threw his soda at me as he ran away. We aren't allowed off stand unless it's an emergency, so I baked in that soda for 30 minutes. FML
Today, I invited my boss for supper as we get on pretty well. Everything was going well, until my German Shepherd bit him. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML
Today, there was a luncheon at work in another dept. We all went to get some free food and see new faces. There was a hot girl walking around chatting. I grabbed my buddy's arm and told him there was a "nice pair of tits here." He saw her. She's his daughter. She's a new-hire… running HR. FML
Today, my company was having a huge party so I went to work dressed in my best outfit. During lunch break, my boss said to me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML
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Top comments
Tobunshi 0
Dear women, Men aren't as complicated as you think. Just say hi. Love, men.
kizz_fml 0
Why would you need salt on your cheescake?
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Comments (140)
purple5 0
Haha, fail. You should've asked if you could get another drink or something :P
123whyme 0
you should've asked him if there was any pepper right after you asked for salt.
changesinme 0
And i thought the cheese cake factory only existed only in the big bang theory
sockmonkey576 6
Dumbass.
teentee401 37
Nope, it's real. And it's delicious!
ilikesexyparties 0
what a line
Kyothine 0
Today, a girl asked me if I had any salt. It was right on the table. FML LOLOLOL REVERSE FML IM SO FUNNY!!!!!!!!1
aoife123 0
yeah, you're hilarious. :I
eehizle 0
it's ok, I think you are :)
reallytho3 11
Wow... Ive never seen a comment so painful to read in my life...
Beans12345 5
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PARTY!!!!
MilkyFilmz 26
Please get off the site.
kizz_fml 0
Why would you need salt on your cheescake?
AtomicRebirth 11
Have you ever been to the Cheesecake Factory? They do serve more than just cheesecake.
cea99 0
Agreed with 123
sastgamer 10
They do?!
ilikesexyparties 0
they don't just have cheesecake, that's just their specialty
Purane2forever 0
clever AND original
Shock98 0
#3: no. just... no. OP: hahha. good line.
Shirschfield 0
Ha ha that makes me laugh but THIS IS NOT A FML IT WAS THE DUDE'S FML, LETS SEE IF HE POSTS IT!
Boogers 0
WOW he must think that you are some creeper now...
DieHard3 0
Wow. You should brush up on your flirting skills. You should have said something like " Excuse me, how bout a handsome waiter to go with my delightful cheesecake?" But you screwed up big time. LOL. Its ok. Maybe another time.
farhil 14
thats just as bad as OP's... just sayin.
swimmer3141 10
I agree with #125. Asking for a handsome waiter would be implying that the one she has isn't handsome, so he'd probably get offended.