Today, I spent six hours at the ER. Why? My husband dared our seventeen-year-old son to recreate a 'Jackass' trolley-hedge diving stunt at the local supermarket. What wasn't on my groceries list was a broken arm, fractured wrist, whiplash and cuts and bruises. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my eight-year-old son. He broke his arm after jumping out through the second story window. He was too impatient to walk to the ice cream van pulling up outside. FML
Today, I had to pick my 22-year-old son up from the hospital, after he got blind drunk, got his hand stuck in a Pringles can, and got the bright idea of staggering to the local ER to get it cut off. FML
Today, my 12 year-old son came home with two broken arms after finding an awesome place to ride his bike. He found a sweet jump and his handlebars broke. He's currently in slings and waiting for an appointment with a surgeon, the breaks were so bad, the hospital couldn't reset them. FML
Today, I went to the hospital emergency room to visit my boyfriend who had badly sliced his leg open. It ended with me being admitted with a possible head trauma, after hitting my head on the wall and floor as I collapsed at the sight of his wound. FML
Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML
Today, I visited the hospital with my boyfriend to have an injury checked. When the doctor removed the band-aid, my boyfriend started screaming and passed out. I had to get him out of the room using a wheelchair. The "injury" is a cut on his finger. FML
Today, I had to explain to a hospital social worker that my young son is not abused, he is just rowdy and that he knocked himself unconscious and shattered 4 teeth in a bizarre stunt involving a tree, my ironing board, a mop bucket and lots of duct tape. I'm not sure the hospital believes me. FML
Today, my son broke his arm roughhousing with his brother on a bunk bed. While at the ER, he thought it would be funny to tell a different story to each doctor and nurse, forcing me to speak over him. They found this behavior "suspicious" and reported us to child services. FML
Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML
Today, I walked outside, slipped, busted my head, and had to get 7 stitches. Turns out my son thought it would be funny to spray the sidewalk with water last night so it would freeze. He got a laugh, and I spent over $100 on the stitches. FML
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Top comments
Dodge4x4Ram 46
parenting at its finest hour
TerraShadow 18
Didn't they always say before every Jackass movie to not try this at home.
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Comments (104)
Dodge4x4Ram 46
parenting at its finest hour
SerenaSerenadex3 13
I'm pretty sure the movies tell you to not try it at home..
dabears1011234 27
But nitwits like this do it anyways.
King_Nero 15
30- but they weren't at home. They just found a way around the "don't try this at home" thing.
loathingloser 14
One time I ran out of jelly so I just made a peanut butter sandwich.
ironichalibut 24
I'm pretty sure they switched it to "don't try to recreate the stunts you see" or they should. Also people have a hard time believing it, but some of them are professionals, or have professionals around. Steve-o for example went to clown college.
Pleonasm 36
At least they gave you a discount.
princesspeachxox 18
Is there something that you read and I did not?
soullyfe 33
#19 I think they were just making a horrible joke that OP got the broken arm, fractured wrist, and such for free since it wasn't part of his/her grocery list.
junkman6 22
Ain't nothin at the ER free. I'm pretty sure they charge you 50$ just to take your blood pressure and temperature then another 90$ to wait for 4 hours in agonizing pain on their uncomfortable ass plastic chairs. Don't even get me started on the 200$ a pill ibuprofen. Not jaded at all I swear.
okay33 12
In the UK all medical care is free
junkman6 22
I always forget that about the UK. So used to paying for doctors monthly vacations here in the US I forget it's done differently elsewhere.
zsaddayz 16
No charge to you. It is definitely not free. Nothing is free.
badluckross 21
I wish my dad was that cool.. Sorry about your wasted 6 hours/medical bill though.
Axipiter 24
Generally, endangering one's son's well-being isn't considered "cool". Unless you're into extreme sports where, you know, safety precautions are taken into consideration.
badluckross 21
I ride motocross and snowboard so id say I do extreme sports, yes we do take safety precautions. His father dared him to do it. He wasn't forced to. I meant I wish my dad was cool and would dare me to do stuff like that (not necessarily this specific stunt).
JRT98 12
You've got one responsible husband... And a genius son...
The_4th_Doctor 13
And the father daring his son to do this and the son actually doing so is considered "responsible" and "genius"? You and I have different definitions of those words.
Echoa21 18
Do you even know what sarcasm is...
person_of_music 10
I have to agree with #88. There is this thing called sarcasm that people use to patronize, tease, or make a point to other people, often saying the exact opposite of what they mean, which can be noted in their tone -______-
CurlyQute 17
And they both agreed to this why?
AnOriginalName 19
Because they're men. And we do stuff that sounds cool without thinking of the consequences until it's too late.
JMichael 26
^ what he said
Enslaved 38
I have a group of male friends that go around "nut checking" each other for sport. They all think it's funny when they can catch one off guard and bring him to the ground moaning in pain. I don't even pretend to understand the game.
Chibi_Kitten 24
#5: because men are just bigger children who are crazy. Example: My boyfriend decides to go jet skiing when there is a hurricane. His guy friends are cheering him on from the boat. I don't try to reason anymore.
Trevor_Vidal 6
Exactly *top answer*
Thorteris 17
Your husband and your son sound like very intelligent people.
leary96 15
They sound like a couple jackasses to me...
Khorlik 6
*hail hydra*
fader48080 10
Lol you, you married that.
igive 29
And birthed the other.
AFaye3964 17
Your husband sounds Immature.
Respect101 17
Maybe not immature, just not boring and lazy. They tried to go do something, hey, it would have looked cool if they could have pulled it off.
Helmut Arias Rodriguez 21
You don’t say
DeltaDragonxx 20
If I had gotten hurt like that, my dad would laugh. then realize I'm not just being a bitch like always. then would most likely apologize for and hour or so
junkman6 22
"Rub some dirt on it pansy!" "But dad I think it's broken!" "Gimme one of your fingers I'll show you broken!" I need to go watch major pain again....
steveykinz0967 16
I would hope those things weren't on your list