Today, my religious girlfriend convinced me to let her take my virginity. A few hours later, she broke up with me, crying and saying I was going to hell for having sex before marriage. But apparently she isn't, and she can't be with someone who "tempts" her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend who was planning on waiting until marriage for sex decided to have sex with me. It's been 4 hours and she hasn't stopped crying, praying and calling me the devil's temptation. FML
Today, as things were getting hot with my girlfriend, it came up that I'm a virgin. She broke up with me. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML
Today, my future mother-in-law freaked out my very religious fiancé by telling him fornication is gonna send him to hell, because when I was with them in January we had sex every day for a month and she's still mad about it. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after being "pressured" into a relationship with another guy. But it's okay, she said she would think of me every time she made love to him. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after being "pressured" into a relationship with another guy. But it's okay, she said she would think of me every time she made love to him. FML
Today, I got dumped by my girlfriend. Why? She had been praying and came to the conclusion that God was telling her to leave so she could meet her soulmate. FML
Today, my date walked out on me after I told him I was devout in my beliefs, including saving myself until marriage. Apparently, meeting me at Sunday services didn’t twig him to my faith, and he actually thought religious girls were all secret sluts like in the pornos. FML
Today, I had to watch as my deeply religious mother broke out in tears of joy, as she said how happy she was that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my fiancé and I fucked on the first date. FML
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Top comments
marcelmg 10
Must be catholic. Can't cope with sinners, but can be sinners.
randomguy76 14
Dodged a HUGE bullet.
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Comments (166)
acommonman 23
That's ridiculous...
Drosophila82 18
I think the description you're looking for Is Mind ****, Mental Intercourse, ethical masturbation, cerebral coitus...
sunnyskys 25
well I guess you have a really tempting dick congrats OP that something at least be happy about sorry I laugh at shity situations because I've had too many to let it bother me any more
RockstarJAy 16
Actually, because of your picture, I was hoping you'd say "That's Tabuu".
zykrithium 22
Obvious cover story is obvious
MiniNub 16
the sex probably just sucked
Cads1 24
One you knock back is one you never get.
MRSwick2525 23
What the hell does that even mean Dude!!!
Cads1 24
After a heap of beers, I'm not really sure.
muzy 23
For some reason i thought that both your comments were written by animals...yeah, I think that's enough Internet for today.
Mr_Relatable 16
"Religious"
MrConcise 35
Religion is just an amplifier for crazy, don't be that guy.
snowflaky 22
My mother claims to be "religious" she's basically told me I'm going to hell for supporting gay rights, yet she's forgiven for the affair she had. That's not how Jesus and salvation work, but okay mom.
Flyndaran 10
Yes it is. You can only be forgiven if you accept your guilt. Therefore if you believe gays are sinful, you'd be happy to forgive them if they admit their guilt. It's one of the few internally consistent beliefs of religious bigots.
sweetnsourrr 11
#24 LOL some people just think they're extra special.
Invalid1 9
I thought it was only God who judged? Not mothers or priests. Oh wait, it is all about power. That makes sense for them to the ones judging as they want to control you.
LeashaJoy5595 28
Um, not quite #30. You're in no place to judge them, if someone has done wrong to you, then you forgive whether they are sorry or not. But that's besides the point, we are called to love one another, not judge. The homosexual lifestyle aren't doing anything to you to need your forgiveness.
ZeusBeDubsteppin 24
its just in the bible its says homosexuality is an abomination. im a Christian and i completely disagree with that.. you cant help who you love.
Liamj774 36
I bet it just rubbed her the wrong way
WeezyYaHeard 6
And yet some people ask me why I think anti-Catholicism exists still today
Lexipants 21
Of course anti-Catholicism exists. Catholicism is ******* terrible.
badgercheese94 16
#106. Amen! Catholics are some of the last people to play innocent. Especially considering they took a whole continent of brown people and stripped them of their culture and language and forced their European ideals and religion on them, "all in the name of the lord!"
djb137 4
I thought that you joke was funny, unlike every one else apparently
marcelmg 10
Must be catholic. Can't cope with sinners, but can be sinners.
anonymous61324 13
Truest words of all, and my family is catholic lol
WeezyYaHeard 6
You must be white Protestant. Can't cope with hateful people but are the most hateful people in the world.
WeezyYaHeard 6
People always get mad at me when I laugh at them for saying prejudice and hate is dead. Thanks for giving me another example that assholes still exist
TheBelt 19
They are religious freaks.
planetclaire921 7
c'mon guys, no hating- I know plenty of awesome Catholics (and I'm atheist :)
LadyNightowl 17
I know a group of Baptists like that too.
bluefairy_fml 24
#5 It's not really their fault though. The religion is screwing with their heads and forcing them into this moral dilemma. Being a hypocrite is basically the only way out of it for them. The alternative would be to actually respect every religious norm, which would make their lives suck, or to give up religion altogether, which is a very hard thing to do, since they were raised in that religion and it has been fed into their brains ever since childhood.
siggy_mcsigx 22
#92 the leaders of the religion. the religion itself could potentially be quite nice.
Ava_Darkflame 26
i was guessing Christian. My damily is Catholic, i have mant Catholic friends, and none are overly religious. on the other hand, my Christiam friend said i was going to hell for self harm, and being lesbian is horrible, listening to rock and heavy metal brings demons, dressing all in black is bad, and that pants are for boys, skirts are for ladies, so i should wear my skirts instead... smh
Dchag117 10
Catholics are christians! Catholicism is a branch of Christianity.
rodeo302 13
101 I agree I have a buddy like that thinks he is better than everyone because he goes to church talks about everyone behind their back but won't admit to it when he is confronted.
Spoderman170 8
Cathedral High School ??????
psychopolarbear 28
Don't nuns usually dress mostly in black? And certain priests for that matter? 0.o
amberr_harperr 15
I am Catholic and I can say that this is true but not all are like that. I'm definitely a sinner bc you know, sometimes, I have fun. Not going into detail, I know a bunch of different religious people who don't actually know about Catholicism and hate on it. I was raised in a Baptist church because there wasn't any Catholic church's within about 30 miles so I went there because i love church but don't be so quick to judge. People shouldn't be judged in their religion it how they look.
Demon_of_Light 27
From my personal experience, there have been both good people who genuinely care about others and crazy hypocrites like OP's ex in all denominations. It's not a problem with the religion itself, it's a problem with individuals who fail to live it out properly.
Ava_Darkflame 26
*family *many *christian. i just realized i have many mistakes in my other comment, sorry people!!! i couldn't edit it since it's been a few days. :(
Noodle9_fml 6
You cant really bash on catholics just because you see that its a religious person and you assume they're that religion. I know plenty of catholics who are friends with plenty of sinners and they are sinners or they're friends with non sinners and aren't sinners. Being a certain religion doesn't mean shit because if she was a real catholic, and was really a good follower of God, then she wouldn't have done it anyways. She wasn't a true Christian.
randomguy76 14
Dodged a HUGE bullet.
Jinxsie 27
Not really. The bullet grazed him pretty bad. He lost his virginity to her.
Mightytall 35
#41 I agree, plus he is also going to go to hell. That's always a bummer!
gte225 11
Weirdest break up sex ever.
girI 20
At least he's tempting...?
abbyade 21
She seems very confused. Girls that go on about virginity can be so tiring..been a Virgin doesn't make you holy Mary. It should not Define who you are. You definitely dodged a bullet. Run.
DaBayst 15
Hardcore religious zealots are usually massive hypocrites.
Flyndaran 10
All zealots are hypocritical. The moment you become 100% certain of anything, you lose connection with reality. Doubt is a wonderful defense against going batty.
Demon_of_Light 27
33, are you 100% certain of that?
eddy1965 6
And the good book says let there be a new girlfriend. And it was good.