Today, I'm sick with the worst head cold of my life. For some reason whenever I cough, I also fart. Everyone thinks I'm just trying to cover up flatulence with fake coughing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I have to deliver a wedding speech. I also have a cold. That would be bad enough, but ever since I was a kid, if I cough or sneeze, I also fart. FML
Today, I've been sick with both a chest cold and a sore throat. As a result, I've also been dehydrated, causing me to have a headache. Whenever I cough, I feel like my throat is being ripped apart and my head is about to explode. FML
Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML
Today, despite having a mild case of the flu, I visited my boyfriend's house and watched a movie with his parents. During the movie, I felt the sudden urge to sneeze. Trying to hold it in, I managed to do the loudest fart I've ever done in my life. Everyone heard. FML
Today, I’ve been having the worst gas, nausea, and stomach pain of my life and literally nothing I do works. While I was at work, I farted but it came from the inside out; it was so loud there’s no way everyone didn’t hear it. My stomach started bubbling so loud, the guy sitting behind me got up and walked away. FML
Today, I have a hemorrhoid and a cold. Every time I cough or sneeze, it feels like someone is stabbing me in the anus. FML
Today, while in class, I desperately had to fart. Someone in the room had a coughing fit, so I took that as the chance to let it out. When I was about to release, the coughing stopped. I couldn't stop in time. FML
Today, all was going fine until I had a tickle in my throat, which turned into a coughing fit. Only to cough for the last time and shart my pants. FML
Today, I had such a violent coughing fit that my stomach emptied itself all over the floor while at my sales job. FML
Today, I farted A LOT during an exam, all silent, so I figured I should be OK. Then I looked around and everybody was suffocating and giving me sly looks. I'm now known to everyone in the department as SuperFart. FML
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Top comments
Martinez0285 28
At least that's the only thing coming out when you cough... Could be worse :p feel better op
Alikia96 20
Well that stinks
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Comments (43)
kingcaper817 14
Yikes sorry op
kristabelli 19
OMG this made me snort my coffee it's so funny. xD (Sorry OP.)
HairIsEverything 15
#19 so did you do it through a straw or somehow line it up on the table?
orbit 22
I prefer to use a rolled up $20 bill, makes me feel more important while I snort my coffee
DarksideDoll 31
Conspiracy theory: OP only created an FML to further cover up his fake-cough & fart routine.
kittykat1501 31
19 means snorted out coffee. I've spit my coffee out at something funny before
Alikia96 20
Well that stinks
BigLatchZatch 14
*cough*
sayyestothedress 24
*fart*
kittykat1501 31
I see what you did there.
Martinez0285 28
At least that's the only thing coming out when you cough... Could be worse :p feel better op
randomcrazyguy 17
When I was very sick every time I coughed I would: vomit, shart, and pee
marcranger 29
I once came down with food poisoning during hay fever season. I had to replace my entire underwear collection after that week!
johbstonjacob 8
Thats a bit of a stinky situation...
ooft 8
Please don't
mrwilsong 6
Mucinex , keeps farts in and mucus out.
octinate 17
Or work on your pelvic floor exercises
bingo__O 15
... Clench more?
soccer_isbae 15
Wear a thong. It'll at make your farts silent, so you can blame them on someone else.
stronghand0331 17
In what world is this possible? I'd gladly become a citizen of that universe
Iceberg86300 14
Yeah, I'm not going to try this out. And not because I'm a guy that doesn't want to wear a thong, but because this is ludicrous. If you have gas, you might be able to make it unnoticeable. If you have gas and a cough or anything that requires a sharp contractions of your diaphragm there's no controlling of how the gas exits. Maybe stuff a squeaky toy squeaker up your ass and say it's just your lungs wheezing LOL.
man_eating_bunny 18
Thats sucks! Well at least ur not sharting...
sydstoomuch 19
Wow...Obviously you're trying to cover up the coughs with fake flatulence. FYL
pawelthink 14
I could picture Booger from revenge of the nerds saying "thank you Lord, my dreams came true!"