Today, I was Skyping with my girlfriend. I was incredibly tired and just wanted to go to bed, but she just kept talking and wouldn't let me go. I ended up blurting out, "Your mom's a cunt." just to start a fight and have an excuse to hang up on her. I feel like an asshole. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was Skyping with a guy I'm really into. I'm not supposed to Skype at night, so when I heard my mum coming, I minimized the window. She walked in before I could mute my mic and started bitching me out for flushing my tampons down the toilet. FML
Today, I was Skyping with this kid, when his girlfriend started arguing with him. They do this every other week, and there was a bet on when they'd finally break up. I egged the guy on and told him not to take her shit. She ended up dumping him. Now I feel like an asshole, and all for a lousy $20. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML
Today, the girl I thought I was dating got into a fight with me over the phone. She did this because she bet her boyfriend that she could make me cry on FaceTime. She won the bet. FML
Today, I told my wife I had a huge Zoom interview and could not be disturbed under any circumstances. Nevertheless, she called her mom, got into a screaming argument the interviewer could clearly hear, then came into my office to cry on my shoulder. She doesn't understand why I'm furious with her. FML
Today, I was talking on the phone to my crush so I went into the bathroom for some privacy. My drunk mother started banging on the door, asking what I was doing in there. I told her that I was on the phone, so she yelled super loud, "While you're shitting?" He immediately hung up. FML
Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I angrily texted her, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. Five minutes later I get a picture of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother, saying, "Shut the fuck up, she had appendicitis." FML
Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML
Today, I got into an argument with my mother, when she snapped and called me a son of a bitch. I said that made no sense, because I'm a girl, and it'd only really confirm that she's a bitch. She then grounded me for insulting her. FML
Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML
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Top comments
cutycat136 28
Instead of saying something that could potentially turn into a huge fight, couldn't you just have said really loudly "I'm going to fall asleep on you babe, I'm sorry" to speak over top of her and then ended the call without allowing her the time to argue?
iwishlifewasfair 8
How to get a girl to stop talking to you 101
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Comments (84)
iwishlifewasfair 8
How to get a girl to stop talking to you 101
jayemerald17 25
Forever!
cutycat136 28
Instead of saying something that could potentially turn into a huge fight, couldn't you just have said really loudly "I'm going to fall asleep on you babe, I'm sorry" to speak over top of her and then ended the call without allowing her the time to argue?
Cayers97 12
But his idea was much more exciting number 2
scarlett3diaz 24
just tell the truth !
grogers311 20
He did, he just said that he was an asshole...
DragonDude 24
Well, to be fair, we don't necessarily know if it was a lie.
amandathemermaid 19
That's because you are an asshole. You really couldn't have just said that you're tired?
Lalala579121 28
I assume he did, based on saying she wouldn't let him go. Still though, much better ways to get out of the call than what he did.
jingleejanglee 17
You should feel like an asshole. Next time, you need to assert the fact that you want to leave. Starting a fight would, I assume, make you have to stay longer anyway.
nfedrichy 20
What type of relationship is this? That was hurtful and inconsiderate. Hope he apologized and explained himself.
AdamPractical 18
Is it that hard to say, "I'm really tired can I talk to you tomorrow?" She will most likely agree!
Ms_ValS 27
He most likely already tried that since he said she wouldn't let him go. But he could have just said he needed to poop or something. Calling her mother a **** just so he can sleep makes me wonder how old OP is. I hope he's not like 13 or something. Cuz then the problem is the fact that he has a girlfriend at that age, period.
AdamPractical 18
I think that if he did he would specify that in his FML to add to the reason why he did this. Though possible, it is not likely.
thatonetribute 31
You should. You are one.
venterd 13
As a man...From one side I personally think that was one very impressive and ballsy move, however on the otherside not the brightest idea...I congratulate you
shay_serendipity 29
How on earth is that impressive? And it's definitely not ballsy if he couldn't just simply tell the truth instead of saying shit to start a fight.
SPN_lover666 27
So, you would be fine with some degenerate dating your daughter and calling your wife a ****?
venterd 13
Im not even mad...thats amazing
Ms_ValS 27
Don't ever be a best man. The couple would break up before the wedding or worse on their wedding day thanks to your "bad jock who took too many shots to the head" kind of advice.
MRSwick2525 23
@#53 you really shouldn't talk shit about athletes getting concussions. That's ****** up. And as a Jock I find your comment ****** up.
ScarredVox92 16
Ever heard of "the dog house", OP? Lol hope the sleep was worth it.