Today, I was Skyping with my girlfriend. I was incredibly tired and just wanted to go to bed, but she just kept talking and wouldn't let me go. I ended up blurting out, "Your mom's a cunt." just to start a fight and have an excuse to hang up on her. I feel like an asshole. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was Skyping with a guy I'm really into. I'm not supposed to Skype at night, so when I heard my mum coming, I minimized the window. She walked in before I could mute my mic and started bitching me out for flushing my tampons down the toilet. FML
Today, I was Skyping with this kid, when his girlfriend started arguing with him. They do this every other week, and there was a bet on when they'd finally break up. I egged the guy on and told him not to take her shit. She ended up dumping him. Now I feel like an asshole, and all for a lousy $20. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML
Today, the girl I thought I was dating got into a fight with me over the phone. She did this because she bet her boyfriend that she could make me cry on FaceTime. She won the bet. FML
Today, I told my wife I had a huge Zoom interview and could not be disturbed under any circumstances. Nevertheless, she called her mom, got into a screaming argument the interviewer could clearly hear, then came into my office to cry on my shoulder. She doesn't understand why I'm furious with her. FML
Today, I was talking on the phone to my crush so I went into the bathroom for some privacy. My drunk mother started banging on the door, asking what I was doing in there. I told her that I was on the phone, so she yelled super loud, "While you're shitting?" He immediately hung up. FML
Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I angrily texted her, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. Five minutes later I get a picture of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother, saying, "Shut the fuck up, she had appendicitis." FML
Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML
Today, I got into an argument with my mother, when she snapped and called me a son of a bitch. I said that made no sense, because I'm a girl, and it'd only really confirm that she's a bitch. She then grounded me for insulting her. FML
Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML
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Top comments
cutycat136 28
Instead of saying something that could potentially turn into a huge fight, couldn't you just have said really loudly "I'm going to fall asleep on you babe, I'm sorry" to speak over top of her and then ended the call without allowing her the time to argue?
iwishlifewasfair 8
How to get a girl to stop talking to you 101
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Comments (84)
ZorroRooster 19
Dude, you should have just spoken up and said you're exhausted and need some sleep. At least that way if she gets pissed, it'll be a bit more of a legitimate reason.
mclovin22897 15
ydi but I feel for you bro. sleep deprivation makes you do and say some crazy shit.
gatorgirl7563 22
You ARE! Communication and honesty are key to a good relationship. You should have just told her that you were freaking tired!
hayleyannah 15
Why the hell couldn't you just say "I'm sorry but I have to go, I'm extremely exhausted"??? How hard is that? She would be way less likely to be pissed off. Maybe slightly annoyed but less so than after what you said. You're an idiot.
epicgamer 18
I don't think people are considering the fact that you didn't think it through since you were so tired.
f_m_l_islife 5
guys he clearly said that she wouldnt let him go, so he probably already tried to do those things, it's just that she didnt let him do so.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
No sympathy from me asshole. you deserve whatever happens to you.
AlbinoMoose987 14
Did you know the words, "I'm really tired sorry I have to go" exists
rustycage92 23
Lol Jesus you're not an asshole, just have a conversation about boundaries with her ? if she's that clingy then I don't think it's gonna go so well in the future anyway..
kevinsagirl2323 8
You are an asshole. if you don't want to talk anymore say I'm tired and hang up. insulting her mom like that is immature and stupid.