Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my hateful mother-in-law showed up unexpectedly. I faked taking a phone call so the bitter old hag would leave me alone. She then pulled out her phone, called my number, and glared at me as my phone rang against my ear. FML
Today, I was Skyping with my girlfriend. I was incredibly tired and just wanted to go to bed, but she just kept talking and wouldn't let me go. I ended up blurting out, "Your mom's a cunt." just to start a fight and have an excuse to hang up on her. I feel like an asshole. FML
Today, I tried to contact my birth mother, who abandoned me when I was three weeks old. After months of tracing, I finally plucked up the courage to call her. She told me to "f*ck off and die". FML
Today, while out to lunch, my sister called me and asked me to pick her up from the mall. I told her she'd have to wait. She got pissed off and started cursing at me, so I hung up on her. She called me back 37 times until I answered and yelled "WILL YOU LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE?" It was my boss. FML
Today, my mother-in-law called to find out how the first week of school went for the kids. She spent most of the call complaining about her husband. I'd like to send her a bill for her trying to use me as a therapist. FML
Today, I called my mom for the first time in a few weeks, just to chat because I miss her. When she picked up, the first thing she said was, "Why are you calling? What's wrong? Do you have swine flu??" When I told her that I didn't, and I just wanted to chat, she hung up. FML
Today, my mom grabbed my phone, said she was taking it because I'd been disrespectful, and hung up my call. I'd been speaking with a work client. This is the gratitude I get for paying all her bills for the past 2 years, all because she's too lazy to get a job. FML
Today, I told my mom I wasn't doing very good mentally and I was looking for some support. She decided to remind me of all of the things I still haven't paid her back for. I'm now an unpaid loan, not her daughter. FML
Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML
Today, I called my mom from Australia. I have been abroad for two months and hadn't talked to her in a long time. A few minutes into the conversation my moms stops me and says this call must cost a fortune and hangs up on me. A few bucks in more important to her then me. FML
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Top comments
toaster012 17
Wow. She's very cruel.
Keevarou 17
Looks like she is the one who deep throated a cactus, she's really stingy. But you should try and take it as high as you can and see If you can get the money back somehow, good luck OP and sorry to hear about how unlucky you are with family
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Comments (192)
toaster012 17
Wow. She's very cruel.
CrissyyyS2 22
Cruel isnt even the word for this.
nicolemadden 11
I would say very rude and arrogant.
MrBrightside21 20
I would call her back and apologize for her parents not being able to afford her abortion, because that is more than cruel. But then again, you do have the upperhand by not slumping down to her level. Hopefully you never have to withstand the awful vibe of her ratchet presence again OP.
jerzjay 17
Mother-in-law of the year potential right there
ScenicSubterfuge 39
What kind of person does that?
SammyS2012 21
Honestly, her daughter should give her an ultimatum- pay back the money, apologize, and respect her husband, or the daughter will cut ties with her. An in law should never speak to their child's spouse like that; it shows disrespect for their spouse and their child.
kakarot2 11
I would go more on the lines of... If you didn't exist, I wouldn't have someone to bang every night. It doesn't suck it self ya know..
SwaggCapone 11
Well that escalated quickly
wvcheesehead1 9
Glad to see the Aussies have trailer trash too.
krad204 21
What about calling her everyday until she pays it back?
Ameel_fml 19
"Glad to see the Aussies have trailer trash too." We call them bogans :D
iazy9 14
Well in my experience, deep throating a cactus is quite enjoyable. So she's not THAT cruel.
MDTeddy 13
"I'm gonna go **** a cactus."
Rababco 29
But if the Mother-in-Law was never born than OP's spouse would've never been born.
Keevarou 17
Looks like she is the one who deep throated a cactus, she's really stingy. But you should try and take it as high as you can and see If you can get the money back somehow, good luck OP and sorry to hear about how unlucky you are with family
Zyzz7 12
OP, man, coming from a fellow Aussie, you shouldnt have given the bitch any money in the first place, even if she is the mother of your spouse, it sounds like she is the ****. Just go through her purse whenever shes around and take what you can.
helloimclaudia 30
Go to your wife/girlfriend, ask if she will talk to her.
Bakarra 22
Mother-in-law implies wife, otherwise I'd agree with your advice
DutchBasterd 15
I might just be a stubbern sob but I wouldn't send my wife. I'ld take that bitch head on.
rawr_ily96 24
#18 Mother-In-Law is the mother of your wife. -_-
boots73 2
Actually, mother in-law refers to your spouses mother. Does not matter if it is your wife's mother or your husbands mother.
Zemmiphobia 11
18- >insert genius meme here< . Why would a guy stay with his girlfriend if she was the one that had said that?
capslockisgood 19
73 Don't be a dick
Bakarra 22
Dear lord guys...the original comment says "go to your wife/girlfriend" so I said "mother in law implies wife" meaning if it's the mother in law then the commenter should have just said wife
killaKT 2
It also says HE is a male
Zebediabolical 45
I'm pretty sure there's a lot of places in the world where men can marry men. So it's entirely possible it's his husbands mom.
wjh100 13
@117 currently only 14 entire countries have done it. most of then being countries with a much lower rate of religion then countries like america(whodaguessed) and@ everyone else I started refering to my fiances parents as mother/father-in-law as soon as we were engaged. but I guess that defeats the purpose of the name since engagements are not law binding so they would not be in-laws.
louiseth 9
117 - Not in Australia, unfortunately.
fckwhyme 11
That bitch is crazy. Talk to your husband but you probably won´t get the money back.
Bakarra 22
OP is a boy, brah
helloimclaudia 30
OP is a man.
lilhellian 27
Op could be gay, bi, or pansexual you never know.
StalkerChick 13
OP should just take that bitch to Judge Judy. (Or the Australian equivalent)
wjh100 13
gay marriage is not legal in Australia yet so I doubt he's gay and wtf is a pansexaul?
Ryuukazuki 7
Pansexual is the term used to refer to people with strong sexual urges towars pans and/or other cookware.
mr_sarcastic416 29
#9 OP is a man, brah
DutchBasterd 15
throw her out of a window with an piano after her.. i hate poeple like her.
Bakarra 22
I wanted to correct your spelling so bad but I read your profile so I can't :( just know that "an" is only used instead of "a" when the next word starts with a vowel
Welshite 40
#13: You really have no room to talk.
Mossears133 15
13- Well if you're going to be a grammar nazi, "bad" should be "badly" because it is an adverb.
DutchBasterd 15
13.. what is a vowel hahaha. i'm sorry for my spelling !
Mr_Satan 11
Wouldn't worry about it, a lot of people get way too hung up on grammar and spelling. a e i o and u are vowels
Bakarra 22
Fair enough, but it's not like I was a dick I just gave him a lesson in English is all and then I received one no harm no foul...
DutchBasterd 15
thank you for explaining :) hopefully i'll remember it as wel :)
simoncat 11
And sometimes "y"!
DutchBasterd 15
38 i wasn't offended. np :)
Bakarra 22
25 apparently any attempt at helping someone with grammar is being a grammar nazi now? I apologize for my own missing an adverb but I was very polite in informing him of the difference. it's not like I said "POEPLE POEPLE POEPLE POEPLE POEPLE POEPLE POEPLE POEPLE POEPLE" or something to that effect, which is common on other forums... Feel free to thumb this down though since everyone on this site is clearly out for blood today anyways, thanks and have a good day.
teratryte 4
#41: The grammar Nazis would get you for your misuse of commas first, your starting of an incomplete sentence with the word "and" second, your abuse of punctuation third, and your misspelling of "grammar" fourth. They can't, however, get you for a run-on sentence.
teratryte 4
Who would've thought?*
kianaaa32 17
Too bad you lacked the knowledge to use the correct forms of "it's" and "here's". Oh well...
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Who cares about the spelling, don't waste a beautiful piano on a bitchtoad!!!!!
NagainaFier 16
Forget the piano! Throw a ******* chair!
maosquare 18
A university has many books. A unicorn has one horn. An hour has sixty minutes. An 'S' looks like a curled snake. There, I just put 'an' before words which start with a vowel, and 'a' before words which begin with a consonant.
Bakarra 22
123: It's more about word sounding than just being vowel or consonant, ex the letter "S" if spelled phonetically would be something like "es" since the first sound is a soft e sound, which calls for the us of an instead of a, also I can't think of an example where an would be before a word starting with y so I'm not sure y is involved
Bakarra 22
University- first sound (yoo) in my unprofessional linguistics. Y sound= a instead of an Umbrella- first sound (uh) U/vowel sound= an instead of a
wjh100 13
its not the letter so much as the sound you use an before hour because the h doesn't really make a sound.
PenguinBitch 44
Bakkara (or some shite). GTFO
maosquare 18
Exactly my point 125. If you are going to teach someone grammar, you make sure you teach the correct things. Telling someone something vague and inaccurate (like what you did before) is only going to do more harm and good. There's no point preaching if you don't know the bibles well.
maosquare 18
My own reply is a classic case of not checking the message thoroughly before posting it. I apologise for the errors.
DutchBasterd 15
what the hell did i do ! now everyone gets lessons in a or an :)
Victoria363 5
I just wouldnt worry about her. Let her do her stuff and u do urs. Just let her be
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
I disagree. People like OP's mom need a taste of their own medicine or they'll be assholes for the rest of their lives.
NagainaFier 16
I find it extremely doubtful that OP's m-i-l is the type to live and let live. While in theory your advice is good, in execution, she's probably one of those people who will bitch no matter WHAT you do.
Zebediabolical 45
I wouldn't retaliate. The advice would be solid, but I have the feeling that OP's MIL would take it personally and use that as a reason to retaliate back in a never ending spiral of destruction.
gracehi 33
Well, Victoria, while I wish you had expressed your opinion with proper grammar and spelling, I agree with it. I used to be married to someone like this, so I know better than anybody it's not worth having someone like this in your life on the off chance that you'll be able to collect a debt from them. Nor is it worth trying to hurt someone like this for vengeance, because often they don't feel enough to be hurt, and even if you do manage to hurt them, they hurt you even worse in return. Seeing as how he's married to this person's daughter, though, he may not be able to cut her out of his life. He should if he can, though, because he'll be better off without her and, considering her attitude, he's not likely to get his money back anyway. If he can't cut her out of his life though, he'd be better off letting the debt go unpaid, but bringing it up anytime he has to talk to her, even if she responds like this every time. That way, she'll avoid him as much as possible, and maybe even do the cutting off herself. That would be well worth whatever amount of money she owes him.
stevothedevo 25
Harvest and sell her organs, till her debt is repaid.
hama806 19
A bitch like that wouldn't get much for those organs. Don't waste your time...just cut her up.
Zack6849 8
Was that entire wall of text really necessary?
Mr_Satan 11
FYL OP, take it as a lesson learned and don't do another damn thing to help her, ever. Hope it didn't cost you too much...
Dracoboxer357 36
Wow, Super Bitch strikes again. My condolances your in-law's an asshole. :p
dalink 24
Indeed. But I admit I'm a tad impressed by the originality of her venomous statement. Can't say I've ever heard of that particular insult before.
VeganVampyre 27
Really? Is it "****" or "deep throat a cactus" that you've never heard? I've heard both, but never said to a man.
dalink 24
The latter.
da_directioner39 17
That's when you take said cactus and shove it down HER throat.
PokemonLove993 17
I would rather shove it up her ass, the pain will last longer
stevothedevo 25
Now now 132, there is enough cactus to act on both your suggestions.
RoseBlack123 37
What a monster in law. I definitely feel your pain :(