Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding." This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML
Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
Today, my dad got drunk and decided to fix everything in the house he thought was broken. Now the oven won't cook, half the floorboards from the stairs are piled in the garden, we put the TV back together but now it is stuck on mute, and we still have no idea where he has put my bedroom door. FML
Today, I watched as my step-dad put locks on my window, because he's convinced that I've been sneaking out at night. All my mom did was casually remark that I'm fucked if there's ever a fire. FML
Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML
Today, I came home to see my dad sitting in his car. I thought it'd be fun to sneak up on him. He was filming himself on his phone, ranting about "fighting like hell" and "a storm coming." He had his baseball cap on backwards, probably because the front had the name of our town in Wales on it. FML
Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML
Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML
Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML
Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML
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Top comments
snakerake 10
I thought a mid-life crisis was when a person tried to recapture their youth, not just being a crazy person.
dragonstrike94 8
Hey don't joke about that "they" might hear you
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Comments (162)
PeachyJinx 7
Shit just got real lol
Honestly_Lainey 21
Shit just got REAL. LOL jk :p Why don't ya have fun with those cameras and play a few tricks on him? Time for a pretend Masonic ritual in the front yard with friends dressed in black-hooded robes? I think soo ;)
Natasa1996 0
thats why you make the most of the time you have :)
Ray_of_midnight 23
That's not "mid-life crisis," that's "too much A.M. talk radio." Or possibly, the onset of mental illness like paranoid schizophrenia. If he continues in this vein, you should probably nudge him towards a physical and mental health evaluation. Good luck.
gardenwhipped3 14
just because i am a paranoid, doesn't mean that they aren't out to get me.
EarAcheMyEYE10 2
Sorry OP... that's not a midlife crisis... that's just plain old senility!
Tenazity 0
Smart man.
raydaly 5
awesome gr8 fun he will let u play with rifles :)
sevenm 0
It's not a midlife crisis he is just crazy. When he brings in a younger girl than you to replace your mom, and uses your college savings to buy a Harley then you'll know it midlife thing...
jayemdoubleyou 1
You should probably go find out what a mid-life crisis is.