Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding." This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML
Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
Today, my dad got drunk and decided to fix everything in the house he thought was broken. Now the oven won't cook, half the floorboards from the stairs are piled in the garden, we put the TV back together but now it is stuck on mute, and we still have no idea where he has put my bedroom door. FML
Today, I watched as my step-dad put locks on my window, because he's convinced that I've been sneaking out at night. All my mom did was casually remark that I'm fucked if there's ever a fire. FML
Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML
Today, I came home to see my dad sitting in his car. I thought it'd be fun to sneak up on him. He was filming himself on his phone, ranting about "fighting like hell" and "a storm coming." He had his baseball cap on backwards, probably because the front had the name of our town in Wales on it. FML
Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML
Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML
Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML
Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML
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Top comments
snakerake 10
I thought a mid-life crisis was when a person tried to recapture their youth, not just being a crazy person.
dragonstrike94 8
Hey don't joke about that "they" might hear you
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Comments (162)
BrimfullOfAsher 20
Tell him that the Freemasons are busy going after people who misuse they're, there, and their on the Web,
dream1_fml 5
OP- Make him watch the Walking Dead, and Storm Chasers then youll be safe from everything!! lol. I am sorry to hear it.
Mckinnon 0
that doesn't seem like much of a midlife crisis, just insanity.
bagleface 6
That's not a midlife crisis that's getting ready for the zombie apocalypse
561Girl 0
Umm why does this thread only have like 5 comments ? That's the illuminati for ya.. Lol. That, or either my phone isn't loading right :/
kelseyautumn 4
My step father does the exact same thing. So bad, that he made us move to middle-of-nowhere Maine.
loggizzle 0
yeah yeah **** u spic
HeXr 22
That sounds much less like a mid-life crisis and much more like schizophrenia.
ImTheAlpha 30
I hope that my mom's mid-life crisis isn't that bad... What's the normal age?
Megan98 18
My mom just bought a car.