Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking. I jokingly stated, "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out, "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was told that I will be a father in 2 months. I had a one night stand about 7 months ago. FML
Today, as I had a chat with my boyfriend and a couple of his friends, one of them had brought up my boyfriend's son and his other child who was due any day now. The conversation would have went well, had I known that he had a son and a pregnant girlfriend. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML
Today, ten years after getting my college girlfriend pregnant and leaving because I wasn't ready, I reached out to her and told her I'm ready to be a father. Apparently my son "already has a father in his life" and "doesn't need me." She laughed at me when I threatened to sue for custody, and hung up. FML
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
Today, I had a chat with a one-night stand and she's decided to keep the child. My life is basically over. FML
Today, my siblings came home for the weekend. At dinner, my dad started complaining at how one of my siblings had gotten fired, one was failing college, and the other was gay. He went on to say I was 17 and already had a bright future. I'm pregnant. FML
Today, we saw a woman with two out-of-control children. As we walked away, my husband said to me, “Disgusting, I’m glad we’re never having children.” News to me, he'd always said he wanted a kid before we married. An uncomfortable conversation is imminent, damn it. FML
Today, I've hated being a parent ever since I was baby-trapped at 17, but I stuck through it and never let my son suspect how I really felt, and we have a great relationship now he’s an adult. Well he just moved out yesterday, and today my wife told me she’s pregnant. Here we fucking go again. FML
Today, I called my ex and told him I was pregnant with his child. He was thrilled, going on and on about how much he wanted to be a dad. I had to tell him I was going to abort it. FML
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Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
Apparently you forgot to include God in your "one night stand"
FFML_314 12
Yes, let's irresponsibly have sex with strange women, give them a false number and bring countless bastard children into the world. Grow up. Women don't find that attractive. Slime balls.
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Comments (342)
bglad09 0
well what do ya know god does have a sense of humor.
mustardcat 1
u got owned by a stranger chick! why weren't u wearing a condom ? XD
Maflagulator 1
You forgot to "Pull It and Pray"!! So now you better start asking: "Who's Baby Dat Is??" (check out those videos on YouTube...histerical!!)
glitchedgamer 0
That's what you get for having a one stand, let alone an unprotected one, douchebag.
MissHottMess 0
Sign away your rights and just pay child support....problem somewhat solved lol
Queen_of_Night 20
Call 1800 45 Maury!
Rainbow_dumpster 28
Irony is just too great for this FML. xD
medfly 2
be thankful it's not your doctor telling you you got HIV... dumbass
skyeyez9 25
If the baby ends up being yours, and the girl decides to keep the kid, I hope you are going to step up, be a man and involved in your son/daughter's life! Nothing lower than a deadbeat dad, rejecting their own biological child.
TheEpicLlama 0
Don't be silly, Wrap your willy! Fyl man. lol