Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. When I got home from work, I came home to glitter. EVERYWHERE. Guess who forgot to get the key to his apartment back from his ex-girlfriend. The guy who's having his family over for dinner tonight. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got home and found all my things thrown out into the yard, including the stuff from my mancave, which I spent thousands of dollars on. Apparently, my girlfriend stopped for a visit while my wife was home. I’d stupidly given her a key. Turns out my wife called out sick today. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were wondering whose extra spare key was on the counter when we came home. Turns out it's his ex's and she returned it, while neither of us were home. We're still taking inventory to see what's missing. FML
Today, I threw a party at my girlfriend's house before her parents came home from vacation. After the party, I found all of her mom's favorite wine glasses broken. I spent $500 on new glasses, and wrote a huge apology for the party and the damage. She got home and told me that they were already broken. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text, right after I finished cleaning his apartment and dropping off a bunch of booze I bought for a big party we were having. It turns out that big party was his "newly single" party. FML
Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house so that he could break up with me. I went out to my car to leave only to discover that all of the wheels had been stolen. Even the spare. I had to spend the rest of the day with my ex-boyfriend finding a way to get my car home. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the whole "break up with your boyfriend and kick him out of the house" thing from the movies. Except it's my house. She kept my stuff. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML
Today, my ex, who I still live with, invited he’s best friend (a drama starter) and his new love interest over for dinner while I was at work. Now I’m outside, waiting for them both to leave. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
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Top comments
schwancy 2
How sweet of her to fancy up your house for your parent's visit.
manforgot 1
Ew, the herpes of craft supplies. Good luck cleaning that up.
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Comments (156)
JessAmmyy_ 0
mm goof idea :P
HeatherXCore 0
If he was dating ke-dollar sign-ha there would be cocaine everywhere. Not glitter.
BoyBeyond 0
Thats a total bitch move. You know what you should do. Get some neon green paint from Lowes or Home Depot and wait till its late like 3 a clock in the morning park a block down and like walk pass her house and just dump the hope entire bucket on her windshield. But make sure you do it quickly and walk off fast.
curliegirlie85 0
That payback is beyond the scope of what she did. a glittery apartment is annoying but funny. paint on someones windshield is an a**hole thing to do AND op would have a criminal record. dumb advice!
xXgUeSsWhAtXx 9
hahaha sounds like she stole the idea from the fml bout the glitter clothes but made it easy for her and hard for you=P
princess579 0
glitters a pain in da ass
coolkidzrus 0
take some pic and sue the shit out of her
ShadyFTW1 0
And if he was dating Justin Beiber, there would be tampons everywhere!
mintcar 10
82, WTF? 57 looks like he's 6 years old.
purplemnm 9
I wish my house was covered in glitter...lucky bastard
mike3775 39
nothing that a phone call to the police and a small claim's case couldn't handle. I had an ex do that to me once, and after 45 days in jail for breaking and entering, she apologized
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Dude, I hope she didn't use glitter in your case. If she did, wow. Talk about an overreaction...
RedPillSucks 33
She can't be charged for "breaking and entering" if she has a key.