Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. When I got home from work, I came home to glitter. EVERYWHERE. Guess who forgot to get the key to his apartment back from his ex-girlfriend. The guy who's having his family over for dinner tonight. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got home and found all my things thrown out into the yard, including the stuff from my mancave, which I spent thousands of dollars on. Apparently, my girlfriend stopped for a visit while my wife was home. I’d stupidly given her a key. Turns out my wife called out sick today. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were wondering whose extra spare key was on the counter when we came home. Turns out it's his ex's and she returned it, while neither of us were home. We're still taking inventory to see what's missing. FML
Today, I threw a party at my girlfriend's house before her parents came home from vacation. After the party, I found all of her mom's favorite wine glasses broken. I spent $500 on new glasses, and wrote a huge apology for the party and the damage. She got home and told me that they were already broken. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text, right after I finished cleaning his apartment and dropping off a bunch of booze I bought for a big party we were having. It turns out that big party was his "newly single" party. FML
Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house so that he could break up with me. I went out to my car to leave only to discover that all of the wheels had been stolen. Even the spare. I had to spend the rest of the day with my ex-boyfriend finding a way to get my car home. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the whole "break up with your boyfriend and kick him out of the house" thing from the movies. Except it's my house. She kept my stuff. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML
Today, my ex, who I still live with, invited he’s best friend (a drama starter) and his new love interest over for dinner while I was at work. Now I’m outside, waiting for them both to leave. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
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Top comments
schwancy 2
How sweet of her to fancy up your house for your parent's visit.
manforgot 1
Ew, the herpes of craft supplies. Good luck cleaning that up.
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Comments (156)
tweetbaby14 18
stuff does get glitter up. they're called vaccums and brooms OP do it beforethey get there duh. unless she used glitter glue
Petawhitney 2
Make sure your next girlfriend isn't a diehard twilight fan.
Lozza111 0
thanks for the great idea OP, I shall remember this and find a way to use it. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *giggle*
anaisnin 0
That was also my first thought. Or you could pour it into the vents on someones car and it would shower them in glitter next time they used the air or heat! muahaha haha
sourgirl101 29
I know. Glitter is such a pain to get rid of! I hated glitter art projects when my kids were young for that very reason. They're older now yet I still find it here and there and I'm a clean freak!
runbabyrun13 0
haha that is a great idea. you must have broken up with her for her to that or you did something really stupid lol funny I love glitter but not in my house
manonwater 0
three words... always get keys!!!
ERich331 3
it's actually "glitter is the herpes of craft supplies"
rallets 23
lmao damn beat me to the mariah carey jokes
CitrusGirl 0
shy got owned lol
mnemonicdaze 0
If he was dating Ke$ha not only would there be glitter but she would have probably taken a shit in his bed. She looks like the type.