Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. When I got home from work, I came home to glitter. EVERYWHERE. Guess who forgot to get the key to his apartment back from his ex-girlfriend. The guy who's having his family over for dinner tonight. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got home and found all my things thrown out into the yard, including the stuff from my mancave, which I spent thousands of dollars on. Apparently, my girlfriend stopped for a visit while my wife was home. I’d stupidly given her a key. Turns out my wife called out sick today. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were wondering whose extra spare key was on the counter when we came home. Turns out it's his ex's and she returned it, while neither of us were home. We're still taking inventory to see what's missing. FML
Today, I threw a party at my girlfriend's house before her parents came home from vacation. After the party, I found all of her mom's favorite wine glasses broken. I spent $500 on new glasses, and wrote a huge apology for the party and the damage. She got home and told me that they were already broken. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text, right after I finished cleaning his apartment and dropping off a bunch of booze I bought for a big party we were having. It turns out that big party was his "newly single" party. FML
Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house so that he could break up with me. I went out to my car to leave only to discover that all of the wheels had been stolen. Even the spare. I had to spend the rest of the day with my ex-boyfriend finding a way to get my car home. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the whole "break up with your boyfriend and kick him out of the house" thing from the movies. Except it's my house. She kept my stuff. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML
Today, my ex, who I still live with, invited he’s best friend (a drama starter) and his new love interest over for dinner while I was at work. Now I’m outside, waiting for them both to leave. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
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Top comments
schwancy 2
How sweet of her to fancy up your house for your parent's visit.
manforgot 1
Ew, the herpes of craft supplies. Good luck cleaning that up.
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Comments (156)
hghiPigh 0
come on tell us already! who who ?!
InDenial 6
#45, see how OP capitalized the word EVERYWHERE? It means it would take ages to clean up and I assume that OP's family would be there soon because he just got home from work, which is averagely around just before tea.
imright24 0
This is NOT a FML as getting rid of her sounds like the best thing that could happen. Women that do crap like this are just psycho and you should be happy you got rid of her.
alwaysbored13 14
I think the OP's ex was angry cause he wasn't Edward Cullen from twilight and decided to fix that xD.
Starfire22 5
It could've been worse... She could've taken a bat to EVERYTHING in the apartment, see, silver lining :)
katey280 0
ahhhh Shiit , fck your life :/
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Best. Revenge. Ever. It's a huge pain in the ass, but if he gripes about it, he'll be mocked mercilessly by friends and family. No one will take him seriously. I like the way this girl operates. :}
RedPillSucks 33
The scary part is how many women on this site are thinking "that's a great idea. I'll remember this for next time". *shudder* OP, don't bother trying to get your key back. It would be useless if she's made copies. Just change your locks. It's not that expensive.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Guilty! :P
alexFYL 11
Ditto! Buahaha. This is fantastic.
LaUruguaya 11
it could have been A LOT worse, she could have stolen crap or smashed everything. Consider yourself lucky! this isn't a FML
Chibbbles 0
how is he dating Mariah Carrey... she's married to Nick Cannon :P