Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. When I got home from work, I came home to glitter. EVERYWHERE. Guess who forgot to get the key to his apartment back from his ex-girlfriend. The guy who's having his family over for dinner tonight. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got home and found all my things thrown out into the yard, including the stuff from my mancave, which I spent thousands of dollars on. Apparently, my girlfriend stopped for a visit while my wife was home. I’d stupidly given her a key. Turns out my wife called out sick today. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were wondering whose extra spare key was on the counter when we came home. Turns out it's his ex's and she returned it, while neither of us were home. We're still taking inventory to see what's missing. FML
Today, I threw a party at my girlfriend's house before her parents came home from vacation. After the party, I found all of her mom's favorite wine glasses broken. I spent $500 on new glasses, and wrote a huge apology for the party and the damage. She got home and told me that they were already broken. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text, right after I finished cleaning his apartment and dropping off a bunch of booze I bought for a big party we were having. It turns out that big party was his "newly single" party. FML
Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house so that he could break up with me. I went out to my car to leave only to discover that all of the wheels had been stolen. Even the spare. I had to spend the rest of the day with my ex-boyfriend finding a way to get my car home. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the whole "break up with your boyfriend and kick him out of the house" thing from the movies. Except it's my house. She kept my stuff. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML
Today, my ex, who I still live with, invited he’s best friend (a drama starter) and his new love interest over for dinner while I was at work. Now I’m outside, waiting for them both to leave. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
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Top comments
schwancy 2
How sweet of her to fancy up your house for your parent's visit.
manforgot 1
Ew, the herpes of craft supplies. Good luck cleaning that up.
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Comments (156)
cnashrun 0
what a bitch
glitterypink 0
#75 - You have awesome hair
SaintE_fml 0
this is the perfect time for u to come out sparkles
fishycanswim 0
My Life As Liz quote number 2? If so, you are pretty freaking awesome.
heyjenn 0
Some comedian said it first.
babeeee13 0
haha,oh my citrus. 57 you're cute
wDeemish 0
eeh good luck on cleaning that, and your ex is a biitch
lucidlucia 0
At least your family will get a chance to see what a winner she was.
dudette2 9
I'm not going to say FYL because I don't know why you broke up, for all I know you cheated on her or broke her heart. I do however think it's brilliant way to get revenge. It's one to keep in mind :)
yazmi_09 3
was there just one heel there? if so then it definitely was ke$ha
seanders 10
Why the hell would someone do that? I mean break ups suck and all but come on. I say you poor glitter down her throat and what her choke on it.