Today, I had to squat to retrieve something from the bottom of the cabinet in the bathroom. This caused me to fart and startle myself enough that I jumped and banged my forehead on the sink. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML
Today, I was taking a dump at the Home Depot. After I was finished, I was bent over and pulling the toilet paper out of the holder. I pulled too hard, causing the dispenser lid to fling open and smack me on the back of the head. FML
Today, I was using a public restroom when the automatic toilet flushed prematurely. The sudden gush of water startled me so much that I jumped up and slipped, hitting my head on the stall door. A concerned stranger had to help me up. FML
Today, I had to take a serious piss. I started urinating and leaned back slightly on my heels. Somehow I lost my balance and fell backward, hitting my head on the wall behind me and spraying myself and my entire bathroom with my own pee. FML
Today, I was cleaning out the cabinets under my kitchen sink and I farted with such force that my dog thought someone was knocking at the door. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, I put on some skimpy shorts and bent down to get something on the bottom shelf of the fridge to get my boyfriend's attention. On my way up, I slammed my head on the edge of the fridge. FML
Today, I was taking a dump and I pushed so hard that I got light headed and passed out on the floor. FML
Today, I was trying to see how far I could get away from the toilet while pissing. Instead I tripped over backwards and pissed all over my face. FML
Today, I was on the toilet and jumped when I saw a face at the window. It was my own reflection. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
You're not the master of your gas? You gotta make your farts your bitch! Without control, how can you crop-dust or Dutch oven?
MsGamerLady 8
I've done this. 🤷🏻♀️
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Comments (4)
RichardPencil 32
You're not the master of your gas? You gotta make your farts your bitch! Without control, how can you crop-dust or Dutch oven?
BurnInDemonFire 39
How were you not expecting to fart?
MsGamerLady 8
I've done this. 🤷🏻♀️
power_in_the_now 19
Think it’s about time to maybe get into better shape if squats are making you shit... squats should be second nature not take so much effort that you fart then poop your pants, goodness lee!!