Today, I babysat a 4-year-old child for my neighbor. It seems he had diarrhea. The evidence of this is in his pants, down his leg, on the couch, on the bathroom floor, smeared on my wall, and in the shape of a brown handprint on my shirt. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML
Today, at work, I came back from my break to find a child covered in mud. Turns out it wasn't mud. One of the other children had taken all of the poop out of their diaper and smeared it all over the floor, walls, and other children. The other teacher hadn't noticed, and I had to clean it all up. FML
Today, I was babysitting my friend's two year-old daughter. Within 15 minutes, she had crawled out of her crib, taken off her diaper, and smooshed her poop in between the cracks in the floor. I put her in the tub, left to get a towel, and came back to her pooping in the tub. FML
Today, I was babysitting my 5 month-old nephew, who hasn't pooped in two days according to his mom. Well, he pooped. I accidentally stuck my finger in it. While I was wiping my finger off, he rolled over and peed on my new carpet. I rolled him over to clean the pee and he opened fire and pooped again. FML
Today, I was washing dishes while my 2-year-old was napping… or so I thought. When I finished and went to check on her, I found she'd taken off her diaper and smeared poop all over the carpet. She must have been up a while because it was everywhere. I spent the next hour scrubbing. FML
Today, I was babysitting. The kid said he had to use the bathroom. When I told him to go ahead, he said he just did. He was on my lap. He wasn't wearing pants. FML
Today, while the kid I was babysitting was in the bathroom, he called to me "I need some help in here." Worried I ran to the bathroom and asked him what was wrong. He needed me to wipe his butt. As if that weren't gross enough, just as my hand was under his butt, he pooped again and laughed. FML
Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML
Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML
Today, I babysat my niece and thought a quick shower would be fine. I left her watching cartoons with a blanket and returned to find she’d used washable paints on the carpet and her hands, leaving tiny colorful footprints to the couch. Her proud smile made me forgive the mess, but I spent the evening scrubbing. FML
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Top comments
Gixie 25
Sounds like a shitty time.
herpaderpaherp 17
Looks like he found a new form of finger painting
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Comments (90)
ihaveasushicat 24
Poor you and poor kid :(
theycallmekitty 13
There is nothing worse than cleaning up other people's shit. Happened to me once and then while I was trying to clean him up he puked in my hand....
perdix 31
#14, don't watch, "Two Girls, One Cup."
perdix 31
I'm guessing that when the parents got home, the show at home was funnier than the one they went to see.
Supahnova 14
I'm bracing myself for the horrible puns.
perdix 31
#18, you are lucky. Unlike Corey Hart, I don't where my sunglasses at night. You don't have to worry about seeing the "shitty situation" pun. In this case, that line just doesn't seem to flow.
SystemofaBlink41 27
18- Don't you mean all the "shitty puns"? It was worth it.
doctor_glitter 6
Nobody deserves to have their shirt ruined. Demand compensation!
KaiCer0 8
Shit just got real...
Glitter_taco_ 10
Oh my god I would have vomited
MorganBrown 8
Oh yes, because that's what people want to hear.
Capt_Oblivious 10
Those crazy kids. Get used to it, shit happens.
msbitz 10
Where were you while this was happening?
xTrepidation 14
This reminds me of the bleach commercials...for life's bleachable moments.
xTrepidation 14
*lifes. - Oops!
Senseless_487 29
No, you were right the first time.
CharresBarkrey 16
34 - "lifes" isn't even a word...
Faff 20
yes it is, it's the plural of life
HannahLouise96 13
71 - You mean 'lives'?