Today, I got random constipation followed by diarrhea. It's 1:30am and my sleeping medication is making me fall asleep, but every time I try to get off the toilet I get another diarrhea spasm. Either I fall asleep on the toilet or shit myself in my sleep. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML
Today, I'm constipated AND having diarrhea at the same time. It feels like I'm going to explode. FML
Today, I had planned to do a twenty-minute colon cleanse enema for weight loss. Instead, I woke up in the middle of the night with uncontrollable diarrhea that’s still going strong. Eight hours and counting. FML
Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML
Today, I've realized that I have two modes: Constipated, or ultra explosive diarrhea. FML
Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML
Today, I apparently had diarrhea in my sleep. I had to get up and sneak to the bathroom so as to not wake my husband. When he asked about the stain, I panicked and told him I started my period. FML
Today, I was suffering from food poisoning and had constant diarrhea, along with feeling nauseous. I couldn't hold my vomit in and rushed to the toilet, but due to the pressure, I pooped while still in pajamas. FML
Today, I fell asleep while taking a dump. At work. FML
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Top comments
jen_jalapeno 10
One obviously sounds better than the other lol
real life problems 26
Just sleep on the toilet
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Comments (14)
Hejira Hayes 8
Either OP's recovered by now or is in desperate need of medical intervention. Either way, I think we're a bit beyond ironing out the logistics of a comfortable toilet nap.
Davros 12
what should I do to stop ******** myself? Depends. Depends on what? (shakes head) Adult diapers Wait, what?
Justin Allan Bannister 9
when you have the diarrhea it don't take sleeping medication. Because you'll have shitty sleep. lol