Today, I sat in my boss's office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boss called me into his office and bitched me out for a good half hour for my attitude to our customers. Apparently I always look pissed off and sound sarcastic. That's just my face at rest. FML
Today, my boss fired me after chewing me out for the horrible date he had with my mother. FML
Today, I angrily scolded one of my employees for making an avoidable mistake for the third time. Unfortunately, my mother decided to pay me a surprise visit, and arrived mid-rant. She chewed me out for being mean and made me apologize. Now everyone at work calls me "mama's boy" and nobody takes me seriously. FML
Today, my boss came around to my way of thinking. He called our customers a "bunch of assholes" and to kick them out if they gave me trouble. When a lady began yelling at me for "setting the damn prices too high" I told her to leave. My boss soon bitched me out for being unprofessional. FML
Today, my mother, who insists on sticking her nose into every aspect of my life, found out I'm only "middle management" and called my boss to criticize her for undervaluing me, demanding I be promoted immediately. I'm now the laughing stock of my office. FML
Today, my boss fired me because I corrected him after he misspoke during a meeting. FML
Today, my boss scolded me for being too friendly to our customers and told me to back off and let them do their thing. Less than an hour after doing as he said, he scolded me again, this time for slacking off and not asking them if they needed help finding stuff. There goes my bonus. FML
Today, my boss wrote me up for saying "pissed" in front of a client. This is the same boss who nearly pissed himself laughing when a client made an extremely off-color Holocaust joke a few weeks ago, in front of half the department. FML
Today, my boss fired me from my job at a local family-owned business. Thanks, mom. FML
Today, I went to deliver some reports to my boss in his office. He was facing away from me and ranting about his "useless employees", so I slipped in and waited for him to put the phone down. Turns out he was talking to himself. When he noticed me, he bitched me out and threatened to fire me. FML
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Top comments
jeezburger12 10
That's a very smart thing to say to your boss...
Outsider_77 0
You forgot to say "is a wonderful woman" afterwards
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Comments (228)
hapetreefriend 1
Im sorry but thats to funny
alycion 39
Sarcasm is a lost art form. People need to be more creative with it. And hasn't the your mom shit been overdone since like the 80's?
micahsmommy 13
You are the reason that I have to sit through 50 interviews just to find one decent person to hire. Until you figure out how to act in a professional atmosphere leave the jobs for those who actually need them.
Schizomaniac 24
Looks like it's time to grow up, then. Schitzomaniac's insight for the day: Children, your half-assed, piss-poor execution of "sarcasm" is often vapid and witless. Trite bullshit like "Hur dur your mom" is not sarcastic; it's dull and played the **** out. If you're going to claim sarcasm, at least own it.
perdix 31
Oh, that "talking without thinking" thing will often bite you in the ass! On the upside for you, the company will undoubtded whither and fail without your prodigious talents.
Barndog22 9
Ok, so in all honesty... you most likely could have found something a little more appropriate to say, but surely you didnt lose a 70K a year job! You can find another and that ***** funny :P
brando420 0
Thank you someone on fml with a sense of hummor
rubberduckie94 13
I did not know twelve year olds could work a full time job.
Mirorbo 27
Sorry Darling. Can't bring myself to feel the least bit sympathetic this time. Maybe you should brush up on some attitude adjustments before finding your next job.
brando420 0
Wow what is wrong with you people buddy you rock! This site is for fun not to fuking make the guy feel bad, it's halarious and you all know it
Mirorbo 27
I honestly hope you're being sarcastic, darling. There's a time and place for "Your Mom" jokes (though it's still in question), but at the work place, after being lectured over behavior, is not the place nor the time for such.
brando420 0
I didn't realize fml was such a serious web site omg guys someone made a your mom joke naughty naughty Cool aid !
GLaDOSv1_09 19
Really, can anything match the wit of a "your mom" reply? You should post more jokes; maybe it will help show these people what real humor is. Here, I'll start you off: "penis". Hopefully, some of you managed to avoid suffocating from your laughter.
rubberduckie94 13
I think what I am noticing most is "jobless again". Evidently this is not the first job op has been fired from for similar reasons.