Today, I sat in my boss's office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss called me into his office and bitched me out for a good half hour for my attitude to our customers. Apparently I always look pissed off and sound sarcastic. That's just my face at rest. FML
Today, my boss fired me after chewing me out for the horrible date he had with my mother. FML
Today, I angrily scolded one of my employees for making an avoidable mistake for the third time. Unfortunately, my mother decided to pay me a surprise visit, and arrived mid-rant. She chewed me out for being mean and made me apologize. Now everyone at work calls me "mama's boy" and nobody takes me seriously. FML
Today, my boss came around to my way of thinking. He called our customers a "bunch of assholes" and to kick them out if they gave me trouble. When a lady began yelling at me for "setting the damn prices too high" I told her to leave. My boss soon bitched me out for being unprofessional. FML
Today, my mother, who insists on sticking her nose into every aspect of my life, found out I'm only "middle management" and called my boss to criticize her for undervaluing me, demanding I be promoted immediately. I'm now the laughing stock of my office. FML
Today, my boss fired me because I corrected him after he misspoke during a meeting. FML
Today, my boss scolded me for being too friendly to our customers and told me to back off and let them do their thing. Less than an hour after doing as he said, he scolded me again, this time for slacking off and not asking them if they needed help finding stuff. There goes my bonus. FML
Today, my boss wrote me up for saying "pissed" in front of a client. This is the same boss who nearly pissed himself laughing when a client made an extremely off-color Holocaust joke a few weeks ago, in front of half the department. FML
Today, my boss fired me from my job at a local family-owned business. Thanks, mom. FML
Today, I went to deliver some reports to my boss in his office. He was facing away from me and ranting about his "useless employees", so I slipped in and waited for him to put the phone down. Turns out he was talking to himself. When he noticed me, he bitched me out and threatened to fire me. FML
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Top comments
jeezburger12 10
That's a very smart thing to say to your boss...
Outsider_77 0
You forgot to say "is a wonderful woman" afterwards
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Comments (228)
legresley85 1
Okay peter where do you see yourself in five years? Please don't say doing your wife, please don't say doing your wife....doing your son?
drunkonduty247 1
That is the most awesome thing ever!
BobOsso_fml 8
First off, it was stupid and childish. Second, it wasn't funny and is actually insulting to real jokes. Third, it's not sarcasm in the slightest. It's unfunny, unoriginal and uninspired (a triple u as Rome calls it).
Papaw_fml 3
Too bad we can't give a thumbs up on here. That was excellent. Spoken like a true smart ass. I salute you!
babyshaft408 8
That is awesome. **** ur my hero
Meesersuperman1 4
Your dumb.
CeeCee_fml 16
TOO easy.
le_troll 0
No, it's MY dumb.
tdw422 1
you kinda deserved it
StreetReaper 9
Kinda? I don't see much need for gray area here.
effedml 5
Admit it, OP. You were proud of that response. You'll learn, though.
Branflakes78 13
And how old are you? immature prick
aceangel6 4
"Your mom" jokes are diotic and make me want to cry. Sometimes you ask a question like "whats your name" and the response is "your mom" I mean come on....perhaps its because I`m in highschool that its become frustruating to the point where I want to rip vocal chords out.
bigboy4676 1
Your mom jokes are ******* hilarious.