Today, we were at church when I pulled my toddler’s hand out of his pants, and he screamed, "I WAS MAKING MY PENIS BIG!" I need a new church. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was in church. After we were done praying, I quickly sat back down, accidentally crushing my testicles in the process. I squealed loudly and all but pissed my pants, earning me plenty of weird looks from the congregation. FML
Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer at church. The entire sanctuary heard me instinctively swear at him. FML
Today, at church, I sneezed suddenly and messily into my hand just as the priest asked us to stand and greet our neighbors with a handshake. FML
Today, I went to a friend's wedding. While I was holding my four year old son, he managed to unclip the back of my dress and give the whole church a show. FML
Today, I was asked to leave a church service for laughing at the kids trying to sing. FML
Today, while we had my husband's boss over, my 3-year-old son decided to burst into the living room naked and yell, "Mum, look! Penis!" and wiggle it around. FML
Today, I caught my idiot son with a pencil up his penis, because apparently he wanted to see if he could use it to write with as a party trick to impress girls. I demanded he take it out, which he did, but the rubber eraser stayed inside his penis. Now I’m spending my Sunday holding his hand in A&E. FML
Today, I was in church. During the prayer, I moved my foot and it pressed against the automatic button on my umbrella causing it to suddenly open. As if that wasn't bad enough, I screamed simultaneously at the shock. FML
Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML
Today, my 6 year-old daughter decided to let out a loud fart in the middle of a quiet church service. FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
I think OP was saying they'd be too embarrassed to go back after this little incident, not that the church was banning them.
BurnInDemonFire 39
I'm surprised he wasn't marched to the front of the congregation, and exorcised on the spot.
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Comments (15)
alyfost 6
congrats on stealing this from some mom blog on twitter
tRaLynEvans143 12
gggg
Fabuki 0
Sooo i think your problem is not that you need a new church... i think it IS church...
IHaveThePower 18
If your church is judging you for having a toddler who's noisy and does weird things, you DO need a new church--one that has enough grasp on reality to know what 'toddler' means.