Today, while at the beach, as a joke, I told my girlfriend that I was a shark. She then poked my eyes and punched me in the nose. When I started to get mad, she just shrugged and asked, "What? You're the one that wanted to be a shark. Don't you watch Shark Week?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML
Today, I was playing with my four year-old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML
Today, while I was at the beach I decided to go into the ocean even though the waves looked rough. While I was in the water, I got caught by the riptide and needed to be saved. The reason I was at the beach? I'm a lifeguard. Now all my co-workers won't stop laughing at me. FML
Today, we decided to go to an aquarium for a little family get-away. At the end was a shark viewing deck, and I leaned over the rails to get a better look. How did I find out that my glasses needed to be adjusted? They fell off and sunk right to the bottom of the shark-infested waters. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was worried about being eaten by a whale while out kayaking on our holiday tour. I told her that she was way larger than whale food, and that it wouldn’t be interested in her. Now she is accusing me of trying to tell her "nicely" that she's fat. FML
Today, against my wishes, my family and I went swimming with sharks. While in the shark cage, a shark got within a few feet of us. My cowardly bowels objected and caused me to shit myself. FML
Today, I started my period almost a week earlier than I expected to. I also happened to be at the beach with a guy that I really liked when it started. He was the one who noticed, and he informed me by saying that we couldn't go back in the water or we would be eaten by sharks. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, I tickled my girlfriend, and her first reflex was to swing her elbow back and break my nose. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
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Top comments
eeppiicc 8
Eating her would have solved that problem.
Sunyboy 12
Shark week is beast.
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Comments (128)
angelinaanimerg 7
Its funny in theory. Not funny if it happens to you
OfficeNinja 5
I love your girlfriend. Next time say you are a "cuddle fish". See what happens.
jaredofmo 22
Your girlfriend would punch a shark in the face! Hang onto her.
xMissxMurderx 1
total win for your girlfriend!!
luvscomplic8ed 6
Shes a keeper :)
Levvy 22
And all you'd need to do is reverse the genders and the commentators would be in an uproar instead of laughing about this and telling the submitter he deserved it. Funny, isn't it?
0opsie 6
Exactly. I can't believe there's twice as many YDIs. It was a stupid joke but she ******* punched him in the face.
ellytoad 13
FML commenters in general have a skewed sense of humor.
SamanthaCassieL 10
If she watched shark week then she would know sharks arent typically violent towards people unless they feel threatened so there was no need for that.
whogivesafuck88 10
Tell that to the girl in soul surfer. I DARE you
savfd645 7
Win for the girlfriend!!
bunniex1 11
LANDSHARK
chasec23 4
Wait.. As a joke you pretended to be a shark, are you sure that you have a girlfriend?