asnolt
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Sex Ed is broken
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Bristol, United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend that, yes, I can get pregnant even if I don't actually have an orgasm. FML
Anonymous
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Prissy
Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
unknown
Courtenay, Canada 🌶️ Spicy
You what?
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
Anonymous
Canada 🌶️ Spicy
Worried dad
Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML
sorry, kiddo
Brussels, Belgium 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML
Noname
New Zealand 🌶️ Spicy
Stop talking!
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
anonymous
Spring Valley, United States
Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML
kinky
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML
younggrammy
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, my 14 year old daughter told me she's pregnant. I work as a public speaker for promoting celibacy and safe sex. FML
Anon
How could you?
Today, after screaming at me this morning, my wife has been giving me the silent treatment. We're trying to get pregnant, but she caught me masturbating, or "reducing my sperm count on purpose" as she called it. I just wanted some harmless fun with some porn, since getting pregnant has made actual sex a chore. FML
Top comments
GiggidyPants 0
Jesus, I guess sex ed is important after all.
360XBOXFTW 0
wait... thats not normal?
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Comments (305)
Lisa89 3
This is the problem with pure abstinence only teaching. It teaches all sexual acts are wrong before marriage, without teaching the basic facts of life. [I don't want to get into a debate of whether it'swrong to teach, I am simply stating a possible problem, i'm not saying it is a definite problem or what not, just a possible one, so stfu.] YOU need to sit down and teach YOUR child what you want her to know. YDI if you don't do this.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Heh, I'll say it: Abstinence-only sex ed causes definite problems.
mexicotoucher 7
If she thought she could get pregnant, why'd she do it?
monnanon 14
Maybe she is one of those misguided little girls who thinks her sole purpose in life should be to have a baby to look after. There are loads of these morons out there who swear blind they would be a brilliant mum at 13. Even planning a baby at 16 is a bit quick. Just because the body can handle it doesn't mean the mind will.
geeksaresexy 18
Youngest mother to give birth to a live baby (and survive herself) was 5yrs 8 mths old. This to me is proof of your point monnanon. Her body could clearly, somehow, handle it but she very clearly shouldn't have had one! (before anyone asks, no one knows how it happened or who the father was)
OhHeySlogan 4
Why do people have sex when they can get pregnant? because it feels good. That's why she did it.
geeksaresexy 18
83 the difference there is, we all know how to prevent an unwanted pregnancy. She doesn't even know how you get pregnant and therefore probably doesn't know about contraception either! Why would she do it if she thought she'd get pregnant? I wouldn't have unprotected sex if I didn't want a baby!
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
She might've heard you could get pregnant from masturbation after she'd already done it.
sankyu16 0
*facepalm*
geeksaresexy 18
Her palm has clearly been elsewhere..
adamj0830 1
go buy her some finger condoms
nissanman_fml 16
Finger condoms? Funny, but chances are that they sell regular condoms small enough to fit on your finger.
jwk8_fml 1
I used to think that when I first started masturbating. but my mama never explained it to me and i figured it out.
gingerlr 0
*facepalm* that all this deserves
shelbee1996 0
LOL :L
Egnar 19
You know that awkward sex talk parents always want to give their kids but are usually too scared an/or nervous their kids will flip out? Sounds like your kids naive views of sexuality opened up the floodgate to her being comfortable enough to talk to you about it, take it as a blessing. She's obviously sexually active, though probably isn't having sex, so now is the time to do it and answer any and all questions without being stand-offish
joa76 3
"obviously sexually active, though probably isn't having sex"...? Care to explain what you think the definition of "sexually active" is?
Egnar 19
My point is that she's exploring her sexuality right now - Masturbation is a part of that. I'm almost certain she's not having sex, though, because she's worried about getting pregnant from masturbating. . .someone with that kind of anxiety isn't read to commit to actual sex yet.
joa76 3
That still doesn't count as sexually active, sorry. If you go to the doctor, and they ask if you're sexually active, they mean "Have you had sex?" I could see you calling it sexually active if she was out giving guys ******** or whatever, but masturbating has nothing to do with being sexually active.
hrun200 0
Somebody has been asking /b/ for some advice! Lol :P
khaya 9
I would like to know what made you have that conversation.