asnolt
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Sex Ed is broken
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Bristol, United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend that, yes, I can get pregnant even if I don't actually have an orgasm. FML
Anonymous
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Prissy
Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
unknown
Courtenay, Canada 🌶️ Spicy
You what?
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
Anonymous
Canada 🌶️ Spicy
Worried dad
Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML
sorry, kiddo
Brussels, Belgium 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML
Noname
New Zealand 🌶️ Spicy
Stop talking!
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
anonymous
Spring Valley, United States
Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML
kinky
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML
younggrammy
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, my 14 year old daughter told me she's pregnant. I work as a public speaker for promoting celibacy and safe sex. FML
Anon
How could you?
Today, after screaming at me this morning, my wife has been giving me the silent treatment. We're trying to get pregnant, but she caught me masturbating, or "reducing my sperm count on purpose" as she called it. I just wanted some harmless fun with some porn, since getting pregnant has made actual sex a chore. FML
Top comments
GiggidyPants 0
Jesus, I guess sex ed is important after all.
360XBOXFTW 0
wait... thats not normal?
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Comments (305)
Inspired22 11
Well, parents need to play a role in sexual education as well. It's awkward. But don't expect your schools to cover all the bases. These are your children! And sexuality, health, all that good stuff--it's important! Unless you just want your kids to run around thinking everything their classmates and Cosmo say are true.
teresa96706 29
I think OP's daughter is pregnant, but is trying to use an excuse to reason out why she is. Why else would she be crying (mood swings from being prego)?
cass85 8
I interpreted it as she, for whatever reason, thought she might be pregnant (maybe she was a little sick or had put on weight or whatever) and was so because she masturbated and had been paranoid about it since. The mother had to explain to her, when the sobbing daughter came to "confess her sins", that she couldn't be pregnant for the reasons she thought she was.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Why else would she be crying? It's called shame. That can develop when sex isn't made an open subject.
TheDrifter 24
I was thinking she was ashamed of who the baby's father is and was hoping it could be a self inflicted pregnancy.
thatnucca 36
Hope she wasn't planing on giving birth to some cute lil bunnies... lol
Igor_g5 0
Love your pic.
northern_lights 0
YDI for not teaching your daughter these things. Bet you are one of those stupid people who believes the school should teach kids everything. Why bother having a child if you aren't going to take the time to inform them about their bodies? It's much better learning about these things from a parent.
boredbah 0
There are two ways this FML could go. 1) the daughter was trying to get pregnant or 2) she masturbates and thought she got pregnant from it.
Omegadolly 22
Some clarification would always be helpful, right? And to put my two cents in, my school taught both abstinence and safety. "You shouldn't do this too early, but if you're going to do something dumb, be smart about it." And everyone turned out more or less just fine. I personally learned bit by bit as I grew up, and never needed a designated 'talk'. The proper exposure brought about the proper knowledge. That said, I'm...really not sure what went wrong here in the teenager's experience. ._.
underguarded 20
Your lucky. Half the chicks I graduated with Got Pregnant Graduating year or right after graduation.
Cinn_fml 23
As others have said - parents should partake in their kids sex ed. I mean, some schools do a good job of teaching it, but you can never take it for granted that they will. Especially seeing as some schools seem to only teach about abstinence and leave it at that. Also, is it possible you misunderstood and it wasn't just herself that was involved? And was she crying because she thought she was pregnant or crying because she found out she couldn't be? Either way, you needed to have that talk with her, regardless of whether this happened.
OnlyAFeckWanker 0
i don't know what it is, but I really hate your face.
Cinn_fml 23
That's ok, I don't really care for your attitude towards people (or maybe things in general), so I think we're even.
shutterbug1190 14
Oh goodness... reminds me of the myth that you can't get pregnant if you have sex in a hot tub... Speaking of which, OP tell her that myth is a lie before you have a bigger problem at hand...
underguarded 20
I loled. Either your child is half retarded or she's seriously stupid. OP Should have told her teen that she can get pregnant. That would have been a delightful show.
CallMeHush 1
If she is a masterbaiter she can work on my fishing boat.
laden_swallow09 35
I see wut u did thar
skittles009 0
more like f her life shes the one that thought she was pregnant because u didnt do ur job