asnolt
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Sex Ed is broken
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Bristol, United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend that, yes, I can get pregnant even if I don't actually have an orgasm. FML
Anonymous
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Prissy
Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
unknown
Courtenay, Canada 🌶️ Spicy
You what?
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
Anonymous
Canada 🌶️ Spicy
Worried dad
Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML
sorry, kiddo
Brussels, Belgium 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML
Noname
New Zealand 🌶️ Spicy
Stop talking!
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
anonymous
Spring Valley, United States
Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML
kinky
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML
younggrammy
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, my 14 year old daughter told me she's pregnant. I work as a public speaker for promoting celibacy and safe sex. FML
Anon
How could you?
Today, after screaming at me this morning, my wife has been giving me the silent treatment. We're trying to get pregnant, but she caught me masturbating, or "reducing my sperm count on purpose" as she called it. I just wanted some harmless fun with some porn, since getting pregnant has made actual sex a chore. FML
Top comments
GiggidyPants 0
Jesus, I guess sex ed is important after all.
360XBOXFTW 0
wait... thats not normal?
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Comments (305)
lalalaha 0
you shoulda just said : yes sweetie, I'm afraid you are pregnant.. and if you've done it more than once, there's a good Chance you're pregnant with twins, or even sextuplets! how do you think John and Kate had so many kids?! she couldn't keep her hands off herself!
keithandra 0
Parents really shouldn't HAVE to teach their kids about sex. None of it is hard to figure out. I mean honestly, FYL for knowing your genes created....that. How in ANY way she doesn't know about sex by the time she's a teenager is beyond me.
geeksaresexy 18
No, parents DO have to teach their kids this stuff and that's the way it should be! She should have been told this stuff way before now! It's no good to rely on the school or some ill-informed other kids to tell them this stuff. If it comes from you at least you know that they have the correct information.
joa76 3
My school, on the plus side, had real sex ed, not just the abstinence-only crap the US tries to push. On the down side, it was in 11th grade, which is a bit too late for half the people (although we did get a brief overview of STDs in 9th grade health). If school is the only place teens learn PROPER information from (don't even pretend what they hear from their friends is always correct), some students will never learn anything useful, thanks to abstinence-only sex ed, and others will learn it far too late. Not everyone has a decent sex ed class at a reasonable time (like 7th grade).
kg163401 0
Either way, the kid's a moron for not paying better attention. The average human could pick up on how that process works. It's very simple
lilponygurrl 0
you fail. she's gonna go out and get pregnant now...
fmlpro0987 0
wooow she's stupid
Shadow_Phantom 26
Once again, humanity proves YES... it CAN be that stupid. FYL.
spez8 2
so, is she pregnant and just tried to blame it on masturbating? or just has no clue?
nixophebia 5
Hooray for the religious right! Let's keep sex education out of schools and in the locker room where it belongs!
iLolAtYou9001 0
Only if her finger, or fingers, started shooting out sperm, then she should be worried.
manda_baby_rawr 4
my mom basically told me to wait until marriage and then made me feel ashamed anytime I asked about it. sex ed is the only way I learned about anything. I once had this children's book which was about the human body, and she decided it was too in depth and took it away, not before shaming me in the process. where am I going with this? not all parents are awesome and teach you what you need to know, or take you to get contraception. mine just suck and are trying to keep me pure instead of being actual parents. "there's more to being a parent than just loving your kid" - words of wisdom
StormGirl142 24
My school has an abstinence only sex ed program, but we are taught how sex and getting pregnant work and different forms of birth control. Maybe the girl just has a crappy school system/parent.
geeksaresexy 18
I think I know what you mean here but if they taught you anything about contraception it isn't abstinence only.. We had something to the effect of 'Please don't do it. However, if you're going to this is how it works' Our school told us to be abstinent but also taught us how to be safe.
joa76 3
It's a fine line, but a sex ed class CAN teach about contraception and still be abstinence-only. Often they tend to exaggerate the failure rates, so it's like, "This is a condom. Sometimes people use this, thinking they won't get pregnant, but half of them do anyway. Abstinence is the only way to avoid pregnancy."