Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the neighbors heard a blood curdling scream and called the cops, thinking I was being murdered. Nope. I just stubbed my toe. FML
Today, I broke my boyfriend's nose trying to pop his blackheads. His leg jerked in shock, kicked my leg, and I fell, breaking the mirror, cutting myself, and slamming into the bathroom sink. I woke up in the hospital, with over a hundred stitches, and my poor boyfriend in jail for suspected domestic abuse. FML
Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML
Today, I saw Saw IV with my boyfriend. He held me close and said, "I'll protect you." A few seconds later, he jumped up so violently, he gave me a bloody nose, and ran screaming out of the room. FML
Today, I visited the hospital with my boyfriend to have an injury checked. When the doctor removed the band-aid, my boyfriend started screaming and passed out. I had to get him out of the room using a wheelchair. The "injury" is a cut on his finger. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, I broke my toe and screamed, "Fuck!" My mom heard and yelled at me for swearing, while I laid on the floor in pain. FML
Today, my boyfriend was trying to tackle me to the bed when we heard a loud pop. The pop turned out to be him breaking my pinky finger. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my boyfriend in his room. He grabbed me behind the head to pull me in for a hard, romantic kiss. He accidentally smashed my nose into his cheekbone, and my nose started gushing blood and continued to bleed for over 2 hours. It's broken, and he just laughed. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
I'll take a rusty fork over a stubbed toe.
XCrazyMofo2010X 17
It's not his fault it feels like Satan himself is unleashing his wrath on his stubbed toe.
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Comments (108)
Welshite 40
I'll take a rusty fork over a stubbed toe.
zBLAKEz 23
Yeah, stubbing your toe is extremely painful. It's kind of stupid (in my opinion) that she's calling him a pussy when it is something that hurts like hell.
Kamon97 23
Especially when they're cold >.
SgtAssCheeks 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Stepping on a Lego is still no match against the stubbed toe. Seriously.
arandomusernameaa 20
32... it is always the plug...the plug on the floor always gets you
Relf 19
Id take a rusty spoon and jeff the killer over that any day of the week
cryssycakesx3 23
or if your foot is asleep.
lop948 11
Salad fingers? Rusty spoons?
SpunkyyyMonkeyy 10
I am glad this was first comment. I was thinking the same thing
gay_flavored_cx 16
I stepped on a plug once,wasn't fun.
keirissleepy 10
100% of the time
Lemou_fml 25
I'm glad mine are tiny kinda floppy kinds. Never broken nail nor toe, but they've been purple. But again, the nail is tiny.
limitedition 25
If it was the little toe I completely understand his pain. That hurts!
KillSwitch96 18
No matter which toe it was, I completely understand his pain!
skipper2009 18
I stubbed my little toe so hard it killed the nail. I no longer have a toe nail on that toe.
zBLAKEz 23
I once stubbed my pinkie toe so hard it turned black. I couldn't even walk on that foot. It's still not as bad as getting the nail ripped off, but I get where you're coming from. It hurts a **** ton.
pandasaresocute 21
Stubbing your toe hurts. I would've let put a blood-curdling scream too. ;)
SirGmoney 9
dont you hate it when ur walking and you slam your pinky toe on the couch
shyeahh_fml 19
Yes. I do.
limitedition 25
I broke my little toe that exact way last year, #56. Took forever to heal. Ugh!
murythawn 13
Is anyone else a little bit annoyed at OP for the title? What, it's his fault for feeling pain? Girls bitch and moan about period pains like no tomorrow and he's a pussy for screaming when he stubbed his toe (and we have no indication of if it was broken or not)? Not sure you have a sound argument there. Using the "men have to be big, tough and not feel pain" stereotype will just make guys start to use the "women have to be weak, little and easily dominated" stereotype.
nopasanada 3
# 25 hahahahahahahahahahahaha and more ha
telli164 30
#99. I agree with the majority of your comment. However, you can't judge a period until you've had one.
XCrazyMofo2010X 17
It's not his fault it feels like Satan himself is unleashing his wrath on his stubbed toe.
Oliok 19
I stubbed my toe and broke it 2 weeks ago. Turned out I had an Osteochondroma (benign giant cell tumor) best of luck op and ops boyfriend.
chickinblue 12
Stubbed toes are no joke OP, I don't know what is worse: stubbing your toe or stepping on a lego
xleelz 13
stubbing your toe, definitely.
Dthsapprntc 23
Stubbing your toe while stepping on Lego?
clrichmond2009 24
oh God, I don't even want to think about that level of hell!
SirGmoney 9
legos, when ur running and you feel like ur foot fell off and run into a couch and stub ur toe
Michael2687 9
Steppin on a Lego hurts worse.
Jiplo 18
Stubbing your toe on the corner of a lego
\ 28
A bumped shin, a stubbed toe. How many black cats crossed your path these last few days?
cln720 3
i agree with your user name you are in fact dating pussy. only to be fair pussy's are rather tough perhaps you are dating balls as those are very weak.
sbharani96 4
Yeah. Smash a pussy, and it's pleasure. Smash balls, and it's a fate worse than death.
munchy_ballz 10
you have forgotten what smashes against the pussy... The balls
smokecloud_ 37
Stomp on his other toe and he'll completely forget about his stubbed toe.
adrianh1090 12
YDI for dating a princess.
ruckfules85 34
you know what someone sounds like being murdered with a rusty forK?!?!
Dthsapprntc 23
Will you people never learn? You don't ask. You never ask. Ever. Because if you do... You'll. Be. Next. *walks away dramatically*
Britterz 12
*light fades out and curtains are drawn*