Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the neighbors heard a blood curdling scream and called the cops, thinking I was being murdered. Nope. I just stubbed my toe. FML
Today, I broke my boyfriend's nose trying to pop his blackheads. His leg jerked in shock, kicked my leg, and I fell, breaking the mirror, cutting myself, and slamming into the bathroom sink. I woke up in the hospital, with over a hundred stitches, and my poor boyfriend in jail for suspected domestic abuse. FML
Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML
Today, I saw Saw IV with my boyfriend. He held me close and said, "I'll protect you." A few seconds later, he jumped up so violently, he gave me a bloody nose, and ran screaming out of the room. FML
Today, I visited the hospital with my boyfriend to have an injury checked. When the doctor removed the band-aid, my boyfriend started screaming and passed out. I had to get him out of the room using a wheelchair. The "injury" is a cut on his finger. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, I broke my toe and screamed, "Fuck!" My mom heard and yelled at me for swearing, while I laid on the floor in pain. FML
Today, my boyfriend was trying to tackle me to the bed when we heard a loud pop. The pop turned out to be him breaking my pinky finger. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my boyfriend in his room. He grabbed me behind the head to pull me in for a hard, romantic kiss. He accidentally smashed my nose into his cheekbone, and my nose started gushing blood and continued to bleed for over 2 hours. It's broken, and he just laughed. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
I'll take a rusty fork over a stubbed toe.
XCrazyMofo2010X 17
It's not his fault it feels like Satan himself is unleashing his wrath on his stubbed toe.
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Comments (108)
chutney_02 22
At least no one hit their hip on a table corner
AFCCT 7
At least manbearpig didn't come out of a bush and grab her by the head and shove her face in his ass... No wait. At least there wasn't a volcano that appeared in the sink and sent lava rushing throughout the house while rosey O danced on the kitchen table naked. Get the point?
Queensland 27
#16, what the hell are you on about?
chutney_02 22
16 - Nope, in fact no one gets your point
AFCCT 7
Don't mind me. I'm a little messed up
Blink182Rachel 7
#29 ManBearPig is from South Park.
1947Chevy 17
At least it wasn't a Lego
AGhost5445 25
Ha yall sound accident prone.
Spyingcheeseman 8
I don't think you quite understand. That really REALLY hurts.
thatkidmal 15
You can tell him that you now wear the pants
Trooth 13
Hey, toe stubbings can get pretty ugly...
skipper2009 18
Have you never stubbed your toe? You would gladly take being stabbed with a rusty fork over that!
DanielleinDC 34
Yes, I have stubbed my toe--plenty of times. Unlike OP's wimpy boyfriend, I swear a bit and then try to walk it off or massage the affected area. I don't scream like a girl in a slasher flick. And I bet when OP bashed her shin trying to see what was wrong with her boyfriend, she didn't scream bloody murder either. That said, will people stop using "pussy" to describe someone weak? Please? It's balls that are tender and sensitive; a pussy can take a pounding.
JMichael 26
Hey stubbing your toe ******* hurts!
Shadowbay 18
My dad would scream and start cussing all about Lucifer and blah blah lol that crap hurts like hell
4Madden 19
I fractured my big toe once stubbing it, and I didn't even let out a wince. Your name, OP, makes perfect sense. As for everyone else: what are you stubbing your damn toes through nails it hurts that bad?
Traitoro 9
Look out guys, we got a badass.
murythawn 13
We are all so proud of this man for proving his manhood above all others. All congregants please fall to your knees in worship to this superior being.
manofmerr 27
*Falls to knees* OUCH MY DAMN KNEE!