Today, I was on the phone with a prospective blind date. He asked me to describe myself, so I said that I was fun, attractive, and a little chubby but not fat. My 7 year-old sister walked up to me and screamed, "Jesus doesn't like it when we lie!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on a blind date, even though the whole concept freaks me out a bit. My date showed up with his sister, who sat at our table and critiqued everything we did, from how I chewed my food, to the way we nervously laughed. He hardly said a word the whole time. FML
Today, I went on a blind double date with my friend. My date was actually blind. Not so bad, he seemed nice, until he told me I sound ugly and annoying. My friend laughed and agreed. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. When I arrived, the guy looked nothing like his profile picture. We started chatting, and things were going fine until he asked, “So, what do you think about my date?” I replied, “Uh, I think it’s going well!” He responded, “I was talking about the waitress. I’m married.” FML
Today, I was on the phone with my little sister as she explained that all these guys like her now that she's so skinny and beautiful. My mom must have overheard me tell my sister that at least I was a cuter child, because my mom laughed and said, "Yeah right, we had to buy you fat kid diapers." FML
Today, I went on a blind date that my friends set up. Not only did my date visibly recoil at the sight of me, she ended up trying to convince me that we're actually cousins. When I told her how absurd that was, she muttered, "Fuck it" and left. FML
Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, "Stuffed your bra, didn't ya? Seriously, why even bother?" The douche then started trying to lecture me on "false advertising". FML
Today, my brother's new girlfriend, who is blind, asked to feel my face so she could tell what I look like. She said I was "unique". A blind chick just told me I was ugly. FML
Today, I met a blind date from a dating app. He looked nothing like his pictures, but I tried to be polite. I said, “Wow, you look different in person!” He smiled and said, “That’s not me. He’s probably just running late, and I’m just sitting here.” FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. Right when I arrived, his little sister said, "She's a lot fatter than you said!" FML
Today, I went on a blind date. The guy greeted me with a "What's up, bitch?", which I wrote off as him just being really laid-back. By dessert, he'd asked me if my boobs are real, then when we finished, asked how many more dates it'd take before I put out. So much for that. FML
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Top comments
shanemomo 0
Well, if you were lying then good job by your sister. She saved that guy some time.
leagan66 0
Burn by a 7 year old! i hope you werent lying. she was just being bitchy.
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Comments (134)
twindaddy 0
Sorry, but that was funny.
glykoula09 0
some people like a little extra cushion for the pushin' !! hahah
HeyitsPheddy 0
I love your sister. and #27
MsMegaroo 0
Why wud u be on the phone wit a blind date??? And why wud u lie...the guys gunna see u eventually
riot337 0
YDI for calling live links
forthelulz_fml 0
I am attractive and chubby. Lolwut? Can you say oxymoron?
Yumcatsoup 0
Try e-harmony maybe you'll get matched with shamu
kellbell09 0
Ok JESUS IS REAL plus this isnt jesus's fault. Yo the chick probably isnt fat theres a difference between fat and chubby. fat means over weight chubby means a little bigger than skinny but still a healthy weight. Get a life you losers who think the op is fat cuz she called herself chubby. Some of the most attractive people i know are chubby. And just a little FYI op having a fat butt isnt always a bad thing ;) lol And just igmore your little sister. She probabky doesnt know what she is talkin about ;)
Yumcatsoup 0
You mess with jesus that's what u get
I_Love_Isms 0
Uh, 81, is that a joke? Because I'm not. You're so funny.