Today, I was on the phone with a prospective blind date. He asked me to describe myself, so I said that I was fun, attractive, and a little chubby but not fat. My 7 year-old sister walked up to me and screamed, "Jesus doesn't like it when we lie!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a blind date, even though the whole concept freaks me out a bit. My date showed up with his sister, who sat at our table and critiqued everything we did, from how I chewed my food, to the way we nervously laughed. He hardly said a word the whole time. FML
Today, I went on a blind double date with my friend. My date was actually blind. Not so bad, he seemed nice, until he told me I sound ugly and annoying. My friend laughed and agreed. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. When I arrived, the guy looked nothing like his profile picture. We started chatting, and things were going fine until he asked, “So, what do you think about my date?” I replied, “Uh, I think it’s going well!” He responded, “I was talking about the waitress. I’m married.” FML
Today, I was on the phone with my little sister as she explained that all these guys like her now that she's so skinny and beautiful. My mom must have overheard me tell my sister that at least I was a cuter child, because my mom laughed and said, "Yeah right, we had to buy you fat kid diapers." FML
Today, I went on a blind date that my friends set up. Not only did my date visibly recoil at the sight of me, she ended up trying to convince me that we're actually cousins. When I told her how absurd that was, she muttered, "Fuck it" and left. FML
Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, "Stuffed your bra, didn't ya? Seriously, why even bother?" The douche then started trying to lecture me on "false advertising". FML
Today, my brother's new girlfriend, who is blind, asked to feel my face so she could tell what I look like. She said I was "unique". A blind chick just told me I was ugly. FML
Today, I met a blind date from a dating app. He looked nothing like his pictures, but I tried to be polite. I said, “Wow, you look different in person!” He smiled and said, “That’s not me. He’s probably just running late, and I’m just sitting here.” FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. Right when I arrived, his little sister said, "She's a lot fatter than you said!" FML
Today, I went on a blind date. The guy greeted me with a "What's up, bitch?", which I wrote off as him just being really laid-back. By dessert, he'd asked me if my boobs are real, then when we finished, asked how many more dates it'd take before I put out. So much for that. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
shanemomo 0
Well, if you were lying then good job by your sister. She saved that guy some time.
leagan66 0
Burn by a 7 year old! i hope you werent lying. she was just being bitchy.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (134)
diet_otaku 0
because i'm so sure every last one of you is the picture of health. 9_9 there IS a difference between "overweight" and "fat," not everyone can be kate ******* moss. heavy people deserve love too. OP - you should've gone with "curvy" instead of "chubby but not fat," it leaves a better mental image and isn't technically lying. ;)
Sawadee 0
YDI for lying and btw......if your sis is 7 ...you can't be too old, no? why are you on a blind date in such age. Go out more and get a real date.
krisFrAnHeehar 0
wow, ok just ******* wow. Whoever said for her to stop eating or whatever shit about her weight, just shut the **** up. Obviously you guys are as shallow as a kiddie pool and deserve to have a life with eachother in all your shallowness. Looks aren't the most important thing, yeah yeah we've heard this before but id rather have a large company and be an ugly ass than be pretty shallow and have the IQ of that of a rock. STOP ******* JUDGING PEOPLE BASED ON LOOKS!!
Kira_fml 0
that's what you get for having religion.
Kira_fml 0
also, #63, why are you so fat?
delly_fml 0
Fat ass...
RIKANA 0
Little kids have big ears... RI
katanphetamine 0
She's right.
passwordvixen 0
It's okay, jesus isn't real anyway.
justdance45 0
ahaha i lol'd so hard at that one