Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad was teasing me, saying a guy would have to be blind to go on a date with me. I then introduced him to my new, visually impaired boyfriend. He hasn't stopped laughing. FML
Today, four days after making a $100 bet with my balding, pedo-stache wearing dad over who could get a girlfriend first, he came home and introduced me to his new girlfriend. FML
Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said, "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced!" and took a rain check on me. FML
Today, I went on blind date with a guy because both our moms thought we'd like each other. Things were going really well until I got up to go to the bathroom and he says, "My mom was right, you do have perfect breedin' hips!" FML
Today, I decided to dress up a little to go out to the bar. I put on a nice shirt, some leggings, and heels. When I walked out the door, my dad said that I looked like a whore. When I got to my boyfriend's house I told him what my dad had said and he replied, "I'd have to agree with him." FML
Today, I was going out with my boyfriend after recently coming out. On my way out the door, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Suck that dick like a champ tonight, son." FML
Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said "I tapped that last night". FML
Today, I went to a nearby nightclub with some friends and the girl I've been flirting for weeks. We were having a good time until this girl and two of her friends got back complaining about some "drunk-old-perverts harassing them". It looks like my dad and his friends are having a good time too. FML
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Top comments
ambrown101 4
That'll make for an awkward ride home.
perdix 31
Maybe after a few more beers, the joke would be on you. Or in you.
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Comments (174)
ToTaLg 0
he is a idiot
bizarre_ftw 22
Nah the former is the more disturbing
zack11742 7
Incest is wincest
olpally 33
No... Incest is illegal!!
Troll_spray 6
What If no one knows...???? Not illegal anymore is it... :o
ssnowywinter 0
No... it's still illegal. And freakin disgusting.
ohmandapants 17
...no...it's still illegal... That was a bad attempt at a joke, man.
XtraEzeee 8
Incest is Sincest.
RedPillSucks 33
Incest is wince-est.
lookingforlovee 0
Wow your dad must be getting pretty desperate if his own daughter is the only option for sex..
akinsel2 6
ok so OP, i'm not excusing your dad's behavior but: a) your dad has a crappy dating life, b) you take him out for a beer to cheer him up, c) you are so hot that random people think your dad needs to be congratulated for being with a girl as good looking as you, d) having random people compliment him will certainly boost his self esteem...so you got two things out of it...the knowledge that you are a very attractive girl, and your fathers confidence and self-esteem up without having to buy him any more beer...if you look at it that way it's a win-win
lookingforlovee 0
But at OP's expense? Not sure I'd call it a win-win situation for OP.
GoldenGrizzly 7
It is one thing to have people pat you on the back for being with a hot piece of ass, it is another for his to go along with it and contribute to the detriment of his daughter. It obvious makes him an asshole dad.
elmousey 5
What dad would even let others talk about his daughter that way? There is a reason he's single.
breefrank 4
Awkward... But hey, you're hot ;)
LovexInfinity 5
WINCEST
jujubunni5 9
Take it as a compliment. Your dad is having lady troubles. It's just boosting his confidence.
Mommyof2_91 10
But it's sick that her dad would go with it...are you saying that if your dad was agreeing that YOU were a hot piece of ass, that you would actually get an ego boost from that? Ew
Mommyof2_91 10
Sorry misread, but it's still gross to even consider taking it as a compliment when her DAD is agreeing she's a hot piece off ass. Shouldn't be taken as a compliment, but as a sign to get the hell away from him, he's obviously a creep for going along with it
Angelrose2004 17
That's when you should've went back to the table and said, "Hey DAD, who are your buddies?" Or you can let him keep his pride. Either way... fyl, OP.
emmagirlll 5
Well at least someone thinks you're hot lol