Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad was teasing me, saying a guy would have to be blind to go on a date with me. I then introduced him to my new, visually impaired boyfriend. He hasn't stopped laughing. FML
Today, four days after making a $100 bet with my balding, pedo-stache wearing dad over who could get a girlfriend first, he came home and introduced me to his new girlfriend. FML
Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said, "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced!" and took a rain check on me. FML
Today, I went on blind date with a guy because both our moms thought we'd like each other. Things were going really well until I got up to go to the bathroom and he says, "My mom was right, you do have perfect breedin' hips!" FML
Today, I decided to dress up a little to go out to the bar. I put on a nice shirt, some leggings, and heels. When I walked out the door, my dad said that I looked like a whore. When I got to my boyfriend's house I told him what my dad had said and he replied, "I'd have to agree with him." FML
Today, I was going out with my boyfriend after recently coming out. On my way out the door, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Suck that dick like a champ tonight, son." FML
Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said "I tapped that last night". FML
Today, I went to a nearby nightclub with some friends and the girl I've been flirting for weeks. We were having a good time until this girl and two of her friends got back complaining about some "drunk-old-perverts harassing them". It looks like my dad and his friends are having a good time too. FML
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Top comments
ambrown101 4
That'll make for an awkward ride home.
perdix 31
Maybe after a few more beers, the joke would be on you. Or in you.
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Comments (174)
sawaner 0
Well, look on the bright side... At least you're a hot piece of ass
jaff23 11
lmao this made me laugh so much!
niall92 6
Yeah it's kinda weird but look at it from his perspective. His friends have probably been giving him a bunch of shit for not being able to score. If he's been feeling down about this I think that when his friends reacted that way he felt it would be better to do go along with it than to deal with the embarrassment in front of his friends and daughter. He probably thought she would understand. Psychology is a very interesting subject. The mind does strange things when under stress.
ultra_notorious 26
come on, pappy needed a bit of cheering up, hopefully it wasn't 100% at your expense.
TrentF13 12
I wish my dad was that cool... Or that he had friends... v.v FYL OP, but you're lucky all the same.
TehShowstopper 6
take it as a compliment
neoyoyo 0
I'd be Mad at my dad, but u should take it as a compliment.
niall92 6
Poor guy was probably embarrassed that he can't get a GF. I bet his "friends" always make fun of him because of it. In his panic he jumps to the easiest answer hoping his daughter would understand; after all she did take him out to make him feel better about it. Either way, the mind will go to great lengths to satisfy the need for dominance and control of a situation.
abhsc 1
**gag** poor you.
kiki122012 5
Keep it in the family . . .?