Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad was teasing me, saying a guy would have to be blind to go on a date with me. I then introduced him to my new, visually impaired boyfriend. He hasn't stopped laughing. FML
Today, four days after making a $100 bet with my balding, pedo-stache wearing dad over who could get a girlfriend first, he came home and introduced me to his new girlfriend. FML
Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said, "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced!" and took a rain check on me. FML
Today, I went on blind date with a guy because both our moms thought we'd like each other. Things were going really well until I got up to go to the bathroom and he says, "My mom was right, you do have perfect breedin' hips!" FML
Today, I decided to dress up a little to go out to the bar. I put on a nice shirt, some leggings, and heels. When I walked out the door, my dad said that I looked like a whore. When I got to my boyfriend's house I told him what my dad had said and he replied, "I'd have to agree with him." FML
Today, I was going out with my boyfriend after recently coming out. On my way out the door, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Suck that dick like a champ tonight, son." FML
Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said "I tapped that last night". FML
Today, I went to a nearby nightclub with some friends and the girl I've been flirting for weeks. We were having a good time until this girl and two of her friends got back complaining about some "drunk-old-perverts harassing them". It looks like my dad and his friends are having a good time too. FML
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Top comments
ambrown101 4
That'll make for an awkward ride home.
perdix 31
Maybe after a few more beers, the joke would be on you. Or in you.
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Comments (174)
alexicanaaa 7
This is hilarious! Hahahahaha! :D
lookingforlovee 0
A compliment is a compliment! But I'd leave now if I were you just in case.
ajourdhui 0
Your dad is a perv! w t f
zack11289 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
And how exactly does that affect you negatively? You dad playing along to something his buddies are saying has nothin to do with you
dogluver900 2
It has everything to do with her. Hello
murdersquirrel 15
Dad playing along with the notion that his daughter is a hot piece of ass and he's giving it to her? How could that NOT be morally reprehensible?
The_Hitdude 12
17- You must be new here. *Checks profile* Yep. You're definitely new here.
KunoKanashimi 3
Actually...It really has everything to do with her. Especially with the fact it gives creepy, incest mental images
KiddNYC1O 22
Wait... are you sure you're 22 years of age, 17?
willyd1991 1
Don't buy him too many beers he might actually start thinking it's true :/
blackheart24 10
You shoulda pretended to go and break up with him for cheating on you... With a dog.
LadyJoker21 0
That's sick
dogluver900 2
I totally thought op was a guy in the beginning
WaSiSimiLang 8
What's grosser than feeling your grandpa getting a hard on while you're sitting on his lap? Your father agreeing with total strangers that you are a smoking hot piece of ass
McKenna1234 0
That means u r hot
MrSexyPants 14
What ever could have given that away?