Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, an intoxicated gentleman stumbled into my shop requesting alcohol, which I do not sell. When I informed him of this, he expressed his disappointment by urinating on the floor. FML
Today, a crazy homeless guy got angry because I wouldn't sell him a bottle of vodka at half price. He got so irrationally mad, he put his fingers down his throat, and threw up on my checkout counter. FML
Today, I was bartending. A guest was getting belligerent so I had to cut him off. He called me a bitch and threw the rest of his drink in my face before storming off. The belligerent asscandle was my boyfriend. FML
Today, I woke up after I had gotten shitfaced, and tossed out of bars by bouncers several times. I even had pictures of my face circulated to other bars not to be served. I then met a woman I almost smoked crack with, and spent the rest of the night following her while she asked random homeless people for free crack. FML
Today, I went to get drinks for the first time with a guy I'd been talking to. He drank 4 drinks in the span of 30 minutes, and fell asleep at the table. I went to the bathroom before getting the check, and I came back to find he'd thrown up all over our table. Needless to say, I left without saying a word to him and deleted his number. FML
Today, I was working the night shift when a guy came in smelling like alcohol. He kept muttering his order, so I leaned over the register to hear him better. My ear now smells of vomit. FML
Today, I started working my crappy, minimum-wage retail job at a local electronics store. An hour into my shift, my boss sent me to scrub out a discount bin, after some drunk cunt in his teens staggered into the place yelling, and puked his guts into it. What a life. FML
Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend had said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth, and laughed before she passed out. FML
Today, while working at the bar, I accidentally spilled a beer on my chest. Several drunk men whistled and seemed to enjoy what they saw so much that they bought even more drinks and started coming onto me. My boss asked if I could do it again on my next shift. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
devildog562 33
Wow in prison half a pack gets you dinner and sex! Epitome of class.
KayDee29 31
I hope he at least offered you good cigarettes after all that.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (50)
KayDee29 31
I hope he at least offered you good cigarettes after all that.
californiapoppy 11
And then you could have poured the jar of puke on him
GoldFishPony 21
Cmon, at least offer a full pack.
ghetto_child 19
What was your answer...?
sayyestothedress 24
This NEEDS a follow up
Melayia 14
Half a pack of cigarettes?! He mustve thought youre quite the catch, with the price of the darn things lately..
devildog562 33
Wow in prison half a pack gets you dinner and sex! Epitome of class.
False_Stupidity 42
Damn it, I knew I should have been charging more than just two smokes!
TanzWolf 26
How much was in the tip jar?
devildog562 33
Half a pint, a piece of chicken from dinner, two pieces of gum, and $15.13.
Kallian_fml 21
So basically, not enough to be worth retrieving.
invadermaythe1st 35
don't forget the puke
orbit 22
mmmm chicken
Earths_Venus 25
At least he offered you something! That's better than 69% of the population.
Indianboy9321 25
Not sure if percentage was randomly made up or was an attempt at a sexual innuendo-based pun...
ShadowlessSpear 21
I'd say both #21
Sonjington 20
end end
DocDrose 20
I would've told him, "it's a deal. as long as you buy me a drink". it'd be like the old catch 22.
junkman6 22
And people say chivalry is dead! That was your Prince Charming riding in on a booze horse OP!