Intimacy Pranked

Pranked

Hakimstah - 21/04/2012 17:38 - Lebanon

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Throbbing

2in longer - 01/11/2016 12:57 - United States - Coldwater

Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML

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bTOhno - 13/08/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML

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inpain - 20/11/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML

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Anonymous - 02/11/2012 19:46 - Netherlands - Delft

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML

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Anon. - 01/03/2011 23:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

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Deep sleep

Anonymous - 04/08/2013 19:28 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML

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Ugggggggggg - 06/11/2012 05:11 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML

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Girl boss

dating walter white's gf apparently - 06/04/2013 19:13 - United Kingdom

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

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mee - 30/11/2011 06:43 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try something new. I ended up tied to the bed, and my girlfriend discovered how ticklish I am. Worst 3 hours of my life. FML

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Anonymous - 27/01/2013 06:03 - United States - Demorest

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

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buck33 14

Sunday 22 April 2012 2:25

Well I'd scream too.

dragonstrike94 8

Sunday 22 April 2012 2:25

What the he'll is wrong with her

nvo 6

Sunday 22 April 2012 19:59

That's not funny. She's crazy!!

xela96 0

Sunday 22 April 2012 20:11

I would've broken up with her as soon as those scissors were put away. Who the hell does that honestly?!

emma_says 6

Sunday 22 April 2012 20:32

Are we not allowed to use anatomically correct words for genitals on this site or something? Why do FMLs always use such bizarre terms like "crotch-sausage", "piss pipe", and "snow globes"? Does anybody really talk like that?

someguy314159265 15

Monday 23 April 2012 0:07

You know, the word "penis" came from the Latin word meaning "tail". It's been happening for way longer than you think.

UsernameHere234 13

Sunday 22 April 2012 20:48

what in the ****? That's ****** up. run while you've still got a dick.

HunterAlpha1 8

Sunday 22 April 2012 21:14

i would have shot her dead. anyone but me brings scissors anywhere near Little HunterAlpha1 and they get a .45 hollowpoint in the forehead.

mitchw0 0

Sunday 22 April 2012 20:51

dump the bitch!

BobbieH 19

Sunday 22 April 2012 22:22

Why? What did you do to provoke this type of response? If you did nothing then you need to run as fast as you can from this pysco!

secretkeeper911 4

Sunday 22 April 2012 22:32

I say YDI for calling it a "crotch sausage." What the hell?

Nthabz 8

Sunday 22 April 2012 22:16

Crotch-sausage?? Lol. That really made me laugh. On a serious note, get out while you still have your crotch-sausage. What kind of sick person does that??