Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, during a intense orgasm I screamed, "You're my God!" at my husband. Afterwards, he told me I was blasphemous and reminded me that God smites those with false prophets. Needless to say, I think I'll just keep my mouth shut in the future. FML
Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML
Today, I was having sex with my partner and we got very into it. I went to wrap my hand around his neck and somehow accidentally poked my finger in his eye socket so hard he ended up in emergency. He still can’t see properly out of that eye now. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral sex when he pulled away without warning. As I looked up at him to see what was wrong, he screamed "JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!" and shot his load in my eyes. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and he slid his hand up near my face too fast and ended up clocking me in the nose. It is the first time that I've ever had nosebleed while orgasming. FML
Today, me and my boyfriend were just about to have sex and I was so excited to do it just like the movies. He carried me up and just as he was about to lay me on the bed he sneezed, dropping me at the same time. I hit my head. Now I have 12 stitches where my eyebrow used to be. FML
Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML
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Top comments
weveallbeenthere 30
were u screaming Oh God. he heard you and responded.
Enslaved 38
"I want to **** you like an animal I want to feel you from the inside I want to **** you like an animal My whole existence is flawed You get me closer to GOD"
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Comments (83)
Pleonasm 36
And on the 8th day, God said: "All this creation business is hard work; time to sit back and **** about with it a little." And he saw that it was good.
flufee2 27
Damn you guys must have been really going at it!!
Greions 15
This was fantastic...
scooterdude720 19
I predict the comments will be closed soon... cue the athiests
rocker_chick23 27
I am an atheist and I haven't said anything offensive.
scooterdude720 19
Who said anything about offensive? I'm just saying there will be an inevitable dispute about religion, usually headed by the atheists.
MidnaLink 35
Thank God it didn't nail you in the Eye!
iamaduck_fml 7
... Doesn't matter had sex?
Audem_fml 27
Who has sex with a necklace like this one ? It's weird.
annie917 15
God just wanted to get in on the action.
LifeFailure 16
No one ever said sex before marriage nor any type of sex was sinful... only Christians made that rule up.
gracehi 33
Apparently you've never read the book of Exodus. The Jews had that rule long before Christians even existed.
Damnlyfsuxks 5
In the olden days they didn't have weddings. who ever you had sex with was your spouse forever more.. In the cavemen days and after that is how it worked.. females were only allowed to have sex with the one male that claimed them... thousands of years after that is when they started to have weddings. so since the beginning of human kind you've only supposed to have sex with one person. ever.
OzzyTheGiant 14
Well if we are gonna get technical, God conducted the first wedding with Adam and Eve. The bible doesnt mention how it took place because that was not necessary information, and this is backed up by the fact that He told them to become many, and that the man would leave his parents and join his new wife, referring to humanity in general. There werent weddings in ancient times as far back as these because humans did not have governments.
Witchylady 18
It wasn't God! It was a deceased relative standing by the bed telling you that you are not the girl for him. Well you never know!!!!