Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, during a intense orgasm I screamed, "You're my God!" at my husband. Afterwards, he told me I was blasphemous and reminded me that God smites those with false prophets. Needless to say, I think I'll just keep my mouth shut in the future. FML
Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML
Today, I was having sex with my partner and we got very into it. I went to wrap my hand around his neck and somehow accidentally poked my finger in his eye socket so hard he ended up in emergency. He still can’t see properly out of that eye now. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral sex when he pulled away without warning. As I looked up at him to see what was wrong, he screamed "JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!" and shot his load in my eyes. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and he slid his hand up near my face too fast and ended up clocking me in the nose. It is the first time that I've ever had nosebleed while orgasming. FML
Today, me and my boyfriend were just about to have sex and I was so excited to do it just like the movies. He carried me up and just as he was about to lay me on the bed he sneezed, dropping me at the same time. I hit my head. Now I have 12 stitches where my eyebrow used to be. FML
Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML
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Top comments
weveallbeenthere 30
were u screaming Oh God. he heard you and responded.
Enslaved 38
"I want to **** you like an animal I want to feel you from the inside I want to **** you like an animal My whole existence is flawed You get me closer to GOD"
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Comments (83)
doctorhook86 25
Anybody else immediately imagine and judge the "hot guy" as the sort of jersey-shore idiot/douchebag who wears gold chains? It's not rational, but I'm not sorry for judging either.
Axel5238 29
Given that it makes it easier to picture how a cross could cut open someone's eyelid. Kinda wondering at what point the unfunny comments of "doesn't matter had sex" will were themselves out. Anything leading potentially to arrest or in this cause blood loss isn't most people ideas of a good time and I doubt much of a consolation.
Dcm210 19
He should've taken it off.
CraZedMadMan 16
It wasn't god, just happend at a bad time, god doesn't exist
captainsmegma 12
But did you ******?
messymessiah 11
That must have been much more than just intense. Quite an achievement
vikky538 29
well in this case god came first before you two cum......
keiNan_fml 35
holy ****!
the_real_dvd 21
I guess you're the type that gets cross eyed when you're about to ******.
quarterbird 18
WTF? Was the crucifix made of razors. In what possible sexual position does a piece fly off of a chain at such a high velocity that it's able to slice through skin?
cartedor 18
wth, that thing is so sharp? or have you exaggerated the severity of the cut?