Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, during a intense orgasm I screamed, "You're my God!" at my husband. Afterwards, he told me I was blasphemous and reminded me that God smites those with false prophets. Needless to say, I think I'll just keep my mouth shut in the future. FML
Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML
Today, I was having sex with my partner and we got very into it. I went to wrap my hand around his neck and somehow accidentally poked my finger in his eye socket so hard he ended up in emergency. He still can’t see properly out of that eye now. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral sex when he pulled away without warning. As I looked up at him to see what was wrong, he screamed "JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!" and shot his load in my eyes. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and he slid his hand up near my face too fast and ended up clocking me in the nose. It is the first time that I've ever had nosebleed while orgasming. FML
Today, me and my boyfriend were just about to have sex and I was so excited to do it just like the movies. He carried me up and just as he was about to lay me on the bed he sneezed, dropping me at the same time. I hit my head. Now I have 12 stitches where my eyebrow used to be. FML
Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML
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Top comments
weveallbeenthere 30
were u screaming Oh God. he heard you and responded.
Enslaved 38
"I want to **** you like an animal I want to feel you from the inside I want to **** you like an animal My whole existence is flawed You get me closer to GOD"
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Comments (83)
weveallbeenthere 30
were u screaming Oh God. he heard you and responded.
ladytigerhunts 20
"Oh God, oh God--" *the crucifix slices her eyelid open* "Oh my God!"
trex454 21
leave room for Jesus!
originaljosh 11
I'm not sure if I'm the only one but if that would've happened to me I would've grabbed my stuff and ran.
patrickalamo 48
And the Holy Ghost.
yankesik 16
"Oh God!" "Shut up!"
Enslaved 38
"I want to **** you like an animal I want to feel you from the inside I want to **** you like an animal My whole existence is flawed You get me closer to GOD"
saraitkddh 47
Closer by NIN m/
nevergetsfirst 11
"You can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings, you can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything" now I have it stuck in my head -_-
Marebare23 17
I don't know who you are, what gender you are, or how old you are, but I love you! Nine Inch Nails dude!!!!!
relaxedninja 18
Such an amazing song!!
Mauskau 36
Now I just need to listen to them, it's so difficult to suppress my love for Trent's voice :x
DesignerVagina 4
I love that song
Googolman 29
God's wrath is upon you.
lexiieeex3 32
Well yes, now she knows that 'God is always watching.'
rocker_chick23 27
I always knew God was a pervert. Watching you two *******, no doubt enjoying it.
tantanpanda 26
Well, I guess god is a sadist then if he derives more pleasure from seeing a girl get her eyelid sliced open than them having sex.
daughternature 7
Think about what you just said, people watch **** and enjoy it are they pervs too?
Funkshin 5
yes we are
supersquirel500 10
He has spoken!
gracehi 33
Jesus is watching you. O.O
swagstatic 16
No he isnt. He's dead idiot
tournamentdecide 33
No, God is watching OP.
King_Nero 15
It's a joke you ******* jackass. Don't start a comment war over if there is a god or not.
rocker_chick23 27
#13: Gracehi was doing a joke. Chill the **** out and get a sense of humor
Mortoli 30
It always feels like somebody watching. Lol
bayy1432 14
I don't know whether this is ironic or just karma but it's okay OP we all have urges
rocker_chick23 27
I think it was God being jealous since the guy can get some, but he can't.
Lct1196 31
I really don't see how this would be karma... there is nothing wrong with sex with someone (unless OP is already in a relationship).
scooterdude720 19
Karma is a Hindu concept... I don't see how God would be using it
MidnaLink 35
Karma may be a Hindu concept, but it is universal and can be applied to anyone.
scooterdude720 19
Anyone except God (lol)
gracehi 33
I don't think Karma applies because Karma, as already pointed out, is a Hindu belief, and OP was hit in the face with a crucifix, which is a Christian symbol.
Googolman 29
16 - The Christian religion is generally against sex before marriage.
zecton 5
Christianity does have a something similar to karma. it's called the law of the harvest. you reap what you sow.
Googolman 29
Another thing, why wouldn't he take off his crucifix before engaging in sexual intercourse with you?
Enslaved 38
Because he thought it would help him after hearing rumours about the-- Second cuming of Christ.
scooterdude720 19
No please stop
cadillacgal79 32
Don't stop the thread before it gets good -_-
Silver7827 14
I don't know about you, but I never take off my necklace, it has a pendant of jesus, and though I'm not religious, it has sentimental value to me, so I just keep it on
weveallbeenthere 30
thought there would have been more after the second cumming
garrett_8614 14
Pretty sure that's not what you wanted when you were saying "Oh God!"
worldclassrager 41
I think next time take off the jewelry...