Today, my new neighbor offered to "humanely capture and relocate" the squirrels in my attic. He then "humanely" shot at them with a BB gun, and the "relocated" them into his stomach once they were killed. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML
Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML
Today, getting home after a long day of work, my boyfriend came running out of the house. Being silly, I thought he was excited to see me. Nope - he was excited to show me the squirrel he shot. In the house. Apparently, we have house squirrels and a boatload of holes in the floor and couch. FML
Today, I found a mouse in my kitchen. Wanting to go about it the humane way, I captured the little guy and released it outside. I then watched as a stray cat in my yard noticed and brutally murdered it. No good deed… FML
Today, I saw a squirrel beside a tree. Thinking it was cute, I stepped closer, picked up a pine cone and tried to lure it to come closer. After about two minutes of silently squatting on someone's lawn holding a pine cone, I realized the squirrel was dead. FML
Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML
Today, I found out that when you chase a couple of squirrels off your porch for irritating your dogs, sometimes they chase you back. FML
Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML
Today, a coyote turned up in the yard where my son and his friend were playing. It was aggressive and foaming at the mouth, so I called the boys inside, and shot it. Now my wife is scared of me and half the neighborhood wants me gone for "dangerous behavior." FML
Today, I was at the park feeding nuts to some squirrels. One fell down my shirt and the next thing I know I'm being attacked by a squirrel that looked like it was on steroids. FML
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Top comments
Yimpish 15
Next time, call a professional
carsonator45 9
Don't piss them off!
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Comments (112)
SecundusSecunda 27
Oh, the humanity.
vandj8 9
don't you mean: "oh, the zoomanity!"?
TheSiraffe 16
I don't see the problem. If the kill was humane and he ate it, then it's fine. Also I assume you're in city limits and he didn't use a firearm so he's fine there. The only problem I could see with it is if squirrels have a season where you are.
thebadguy85 10
In most states, even if there is a season you can kill nuisance animals as long as you have a valid hunting license.
bretzeller 13
Many states don't require a hunting license on private property for nuisance animals.
meaganlo 15
Hey, OP here. I was going to call a professional, but since the creepy bastard said it would be humane, I allowed him to "relocate them".
Publikwerks 14
Well, if he killed them quickly, then it was humane. It's weird, and definetly not what you agreed too, but at least he wasn't wearing your clothes while he did it.
TheSiraffe 16
How is he creepy? Literally all he did was hunt small game and eat it. At least he didn't throw it away or leave it where he killed it
micassures_fml 19
The neighbour shouldn't have LIED for God's sake!!! OP isn't criticizing the fact that some people eat squirrels or not... & Maybe OP likes animals and doesn't want them dead when not necessary...
quicksandy 11
This is kind of like when people tell you how horrible it is to hunt or fish because you kill things, while they are in the process of eating a steak.
AlchemistEd 12
#82, lying makes him creepy? yeah he should have said he was going to hunt them, but that doesn't make him creepy. just makes him dishonest. if he was a good shot, I'd rather the animals get a clean, quick kill and then eaten than poisoned for a slow death and wasted, or trapped and spend ages freaking out and potentially die from stress which is far less kind, then relocated to an area that they don't know, have no shelter and potentially starve and getting attacked by the animals that already have that territory, not to mention potentially overloading available food sources so multiple animals end up starving.
EpicLeeGames 12
So? That sorta things expected round here.
littlekellilee 45
A lot of people commenting are missing the point. OP didn't want them killed and eaten, and the neighbour specifically said "relocated", meaning they would likely be alive! OP didn't want them killed, and if he knew he probably would have called a non kill professional.
tbro47 23
well technically they were relocated... To a cooking pot at his house. They are no longer in OP's house. Not everyone may agree with that, but squirrel hunting is a thing, usually done in a wooded area but still a thing. As long as he didn't make the squirrel suffer it was done "humanely" as well. OP no longer has a squirrel problem in their home and someone got a decent meal out of it.
quicksandy 11
Most of the time when you remove a nuisance animal from a domicile it tends to return if not taken far enough away.
fushengyuan 20
how did they catch them?
CaptainSmith28 19
Squirrel is actually pretty good meat. Js
susubabe29 7
that is so gross.
JustThatPerson 21
I think, that with "humanly" he meant: "Alright, let me do what ever I want to do with them!!", I guess.
LyingBlood 8
nothing wrong with that