Today, getting home after a long day of work, my boyfriend came running out of the house. Being silly, I thought he was excited to see me. Nope - he was excited to show me the squirrel he shot. In the house. Apparently, we have house squirrels and a boatload of holes in the floor and couch. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML
Today, a wild squirrel managed to get into my house. I can't see him… but I can hear him in the walls. FML
Today, my new neighbor offered to "humanely capture and relocate" the squirrels in my attic. He then "humanely" shot at them with a BB gun, and the "relocated" them into his stomach once they were killed. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML
Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML
Today, I found a dead squirrel under my son's bed. Apparently, he has been keeping it there as a "pet" for the past week. FML
Today, I walked outside to see my boyfriend standing on my porch, looking confused. He explained to me that he had attached a prom proposal note to his pet rabbit, and let it inside my house to find me. We went looking for said rabbit, and found my dog halfway through eating it. FML
Today, my boyfriend finally moved in with me, after being long distance for months. Our apartment just became infested with mice. FML
Today, I was walking down a path in the woods behind my house when I saw a squirrel. It ran away, but little did I know it wasn't running from me, it was running from the dog that had forced Animal Control to sweep the area. I ended up with stitches in my leg. FML
Today, I got home from a long day at work, hoping to just fix dinner and relax, only to find that my cat had come into the house with a rabbit, and is now stuck underneath the cabinet. FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
I can see why you have squirrels in your house. Your boyfriend is nuts.
Emma Marshall 19
Why would anyone brag about killing something
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Comments (9)
BurnInDemonFire 39
I can see why you have squirrels in your house. Your boyfriend is nuts.
Emma Marshall 19
Why would anyone brag about killing something
loliloveoniichan 14
When I was a kid I used to brag when I killed lizards and animals like that, it was a amazing childhood xD. I still don't see the problem with killing a squirrel.
interesting33 37
but why would you kill the lizard?
BurnInDemonFire 39
Are you OP's boyfriend?
loliloveoniichan 14
Nope , are you?
A Frenchy in Eire 31
This guy is one of the many reasons why the US needs gun control.
Glowworm56 27
Does he use antlers in all of his decorating too?
Taurus_ChicKa 37
If shooting innocent animals gets him excited, I think you need a new boyfriend.
BeachMammal 8
There's something very wrong with him.
Clay Baker 3
City folks don’t understand hunting you can’t just grab a squirrel u need to kill it and can’t leave it in the house they carry rabies
IHaveThePower 18
You've never actually figured out the difference between a rabid and non-rabid animal, have you? I mean, squirrels are good sacrifices to bind and control the Evil Overlord Of All Furry Rodents, but people used to EAT those little bastards without any problems. Rabies is scary, but also fairly distinctive, and squirrels who look cute at you probably just want the hooman to feed them.
Santorini Lawrencia 19
What is wrong with him?? Killing an innocent animal gives him pleasure?? How sick is he?