Today, my new neighbor offered to "humanely capture and relocate" the squirrels in my attic. He then "humanely" shot at them with a BB gun, and the "relocated" them into his stomach once they were killed. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML
Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML
Today, getting home after a long day of work, my boyfriend came running out of the house. Being silly, I thought he was excited to see me. Nope - he was excited to show me the squirrel he shot. In the house. Apparently, we have house squirrels and a boatload of holes in the floor and couch. FML
Today, I found a mouse in my kitchen. Wanting to go about it the humane way, I captured the little guy and released it outside. I then watched as a stray cat in my yard noticed and brutally murdered it. No good deed… FML
Today, I saw a squirrel beside a tree. Thinking it was cute, I stepped closer, picked up a pine cone and tried to lure it to come closer. After about two minutes of silently squatting on someone's lawn holding a pine cone, I realized the squirrel was dead. FML
Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML
Today, I found out that when you chase a couple of squirrels off your porch for irritating your dogs, sometimes they chase you back. FML
Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML
Today, a coyote turned up in the yard where my son and his friend were playing. It was aggressive and foaming at the mouth, so I called the boys inside, and shot it. Now my wife is scared of me and half the neighborhood wants me gone for "dangerous behavior." FML
Today, I was at the park feeding nuts to some squirrels. One fell down my shirt and the next thing I know I'm being attacked by a squirrel that looked like it was on steroids. FML
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Top comments
Yimpish 15
Next time, call a professional
carsonator45 9
Don't piss them off!
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Comments (112)
arrowgold 19
He's a dick for lying he could just asked if it was okay with you if he could hunt them.
limegreenpoopie 31
Hey, at least there'll be some intriguing stories to tell your friends.
Cowgirl1293 26
I live in the south, and I see nothing wrong with this. It is expected for something like this to happen here.
Danne696 14
It's expected that people lie? If he had been honest to OP and told them what he was going to do I don't see any fault in it, but tricking someone like that is not acceptable.
Mcstud1y 30
Either way he got the job done
AlchemistEd 12
don't have squirrels in Australia, but growing up in the country my thoughts were that it's humane as long as he was a good shot. nothing worse than the idiots that can't make a clean/instantaneous kill (head shot/cervical dislocation). OK, so he probably should have said he was going to hunt/eat them, but here even my school had a guy that came out every so often and shot the pigeons to take home. personally, if it's a wild animal or raised as a meat source, it's dinner. squirrel is a rodent, and rabbit/hare/rat/mouse/guinea pig are pretty good, so imagine it'd be the same.
CheekyRaccoon 27
Hopefully I dont get "humanly captured and relocated" by your neighbour one day. He does throw out lots of good food though..
Delta_0DST 12
You trash pandas are a sneaky bunch, so I bet it'll be a while till he is able to "capture and relocate" you
Westifer 12
He's a raccoon not a penguin...
BlackBoyFly 11
#85 I don't think anyone was confused whatsoever about the animal in question.
hipposteve 21
To each their own, but this is disturbing.
taeven16 3
This is an everyday thing from where im at. Squirrels literally taste like chicken
InfiniteSunshine 32
Wild squirrels can be dangerous to eat and should really only be gotten from a good source if they're for consumption. They are carriers of tapeworm larva that can be passed to humans. They also carry rabies, which can be contracted if meat isn't cooked properly, and the disease is largely untreatable. Most importantly though, they can carry prions, infectious particles that do not get killed with cooking, are also not treatable once contracted, and result in a painful death. For reference, Mad Cow Disease or the human version, Creutzfeldt–Jakob Disease, are types of prions.
feven 32
We can get rabies from squirrels?!
kirkaygri 18
I've grown up eating squirrel, as my family hunted as our main meat source for generations. I live in an area where hunting is still a main source of meat. As long as you examine the meat properly and know what you're doing, odds are you won't get sick. I've never know a person to get sick from squirrel or rabbit meat, but it's always been killed and cleaned by an experienced hunter.
InfiniteSunshine 32
Yes, while rabies in small rodents isn't as common, they still can get infected with the virus. Which can be spread to humans if bitten or with some kind of invasive contact. You're more likely to get the prions from squirrels though, and in my opinion they're much worse.
InfiniteSunshine 32
If you know what you're doing it should be fine. That's why I said it should come from a good source if it's wild. You need to either, know what you're doing, or get it from someone who does.
Calingaladha 21
Squirrels aren't commonly rabid (as with most rodents), and you'll only get tapeworms if you eat fleas off of the squirrel. That being said, squirrel meat is nasty anyway.
Sunshine56 17
And we eat meat we kill all the time. we aren't worried
Shay_Shay97 23
Welcome to the South.
WreckeRalph36 18
OP, you're from NC what do you expect
Alchemist_21 26
Maybe they just moved from another state. I don't think most people from NC would actually be surprised this happened.
kk718 2
That's awesome!
vitjoey4 14
Who cares? You should've done it yourself